Tag Archives: bad date

Major Date #Fail

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I’m trying to figure out how much background to give on this guy. There really isn’t a ton, but these are what I consider to be the major highlights:

1) Prior to the story presented below, we had not had an official “date.” However, we did meet for lunch the prior Sunday (the 30th) for an hour, so we had met before
2) Keep in mind, while reading this, that some of the decisions I made are probably a little questionable
3) At no time, during the date, did I feel uncomfortable at what was going on. More humorous than anything. If I had felt uneasy, I would have booked it long before I did.
4) Also keep in mind: We met up at 6:30, and I was home by 10:15. All this happened in the span of less than 4 hours.

Okay, so here we go. This story goes from annoyingly amusing, to weirdly funny to downright mean. Its quite the span. Even for one of my dates.

So Mike and I were planning on having our second date (or first date, depending on how you define the lunch thing mentioned in #1 above) this past Tuesday. Dinner then a rousing game of Scrabble at his place. One of the many things we had in common were grandmothers who were obsessed with Scrabble and instilled a love of the game in us. Sounded like a great time to me. However, with Mother Nature being as weird as she is this winter, we had a major snowstorm on Tuesday night, so the date got postponed until Friday.
We agreed to meet at the restaurant (since it was halfway in-between both our houses) and then drive to his place for Scrabble afterwards. My awesomely protective cousin had me text both Mike’s phone number and address to her so she could know where I was that night.. (Love you, Heidi!) So I drive to the restaurant, and it is packed. There is not a place to park in the strip mall parking lot, or even in the adjacent parking lot. As I’m driving around the lot, I call Mike and let him know that it is completely full. He said, “Yeah, I see that, I’m here too. How about we drop your car off at my place and I’ll drive us to someplace else?” Okay, fine by me.

We get to his house, pull in, and he gets out of his jeep and lets me in the house. I had brought a bottle of wine with me to drink when we were at his place and I needed to put it in the fridge to chill. I said, “Well, you might as well give me the grand tour now,” so we proceeded to look around his house. He has a really nice house. 3 bedrooms, 3 full baths. We get upstairs and he shows me his room. I said, “Ahhh, so this is where the magic happens?” He said, “This is where the Scrabble magic will happen!” and points to his bed, where he has the Scrabble box sitting. I said, “Oh really?”

We head back downstairs and he says, “Do you want a drink first, before we head out?” I said, “Sure, why not?” So he opens the fridge and gets out this huge jug of pink lemonade and pours a glass. He hands it to me. “Try this, its amazing.” I do and its vodka lemonade. “Yes, but its *pink* lemonade,” he said. Because the color negates the fact it’s a drink that teenage girls have been getting sauced on for years… “Its not bad,” I said. He downs the rest of the glass and we head out.

We get into his jeep and he tells me that he has the perfect place he wants to go, Restaurant B. I have never heard of this place, but apparently its one of the best places in town and he wants to take me there. “Don’t worry, I’ll take you back to Restaurant A (the place we had originally planned to go) some other time.” Since I am a lover all food, I said, “Sounds good to me.” We drive to Restaurant B, find a spot right in front, and park. He comes over and opens my door for me and holds my hand as we’re walking across the street, since there are huge snowdrifts in the way. We get up to the door, he looks in and says, “Nope, too busy, let’s go someplace else.” I glance over and I don’t see people waiting in line, but the tables all appear to be full. “Are you sure?” I asked him. “Yep. Too busy.” So we plod back to the jeep, he opens my door for me, and we drive off.

“Well now where do you want to go?” he asks me. “I don’t care, I told you that I am letting you decide,” I say. He drives along in silence for a bit and then turns down one of the main drags in town. “Where are we going?” I asked. “You’ll see,” he said. We pull into Restaurant C, and he just drives through the lot and out the other side. “Too full. We’d have to wait forever,” he says. Since we’re near the south side of town, I said, “How about Restaurant D? They have great pizza.” He says, “We can drive by and see how it is.” We drive by and, yep, you guessed it, too full. At this point I am hungry and slightly annoyed. “You do realize that its almost 7:00 on a Friday, right? We’re going to have to wait wherever we go.” He says, “Not if we get take out.”

Me: I don’t want take out.
Him: Not like take out Chinese, but we can get it from Restaurant E of F.
Me: Still, I would prefer not to have take out.
Him: Why not?
Me: Because we’ll order it, wait around for it to be done, then have to drive it back to your place. If we eat there, when its done, we can just eat right away.
Him: Take out is faster.
Me: No its not.
Him: Yes it is.
Me: Seriously, when I plan on going out to eat, I want to go OUT to eat. I don’t want to pick it up and eat at home. If I had wanted to eat at home, then I would’ve just stayed in and not gone out at all.
Him: Well I want take out from Restaurant F.
Me: (sighing) Fine.
Him: Are you okay with that?
Me: I guess so. I just don’t really enjoy take out.
Him: Yeah, I know. Its only the 250th time you’ve said that. Getting all high maintenance on me.

So we head back to his place, and he orders pizza and salad from Restaurant F. I’m sort of blasé at this point about dinner. It was like arguing with a 3 year old kid. He had his mind made up and there was nothing I could do to change it, so I gave in. After he ordered, he poured another tall vodka lemonade and was downing it. “You’ll have to drive to go pick up the pizza,” he said. “Why,” I asked. “Because this is my 5th one of these tonight, and I usually don’t drink very much.”

Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh so then why start now?

So we get ready to leave and he decides he’s okay to drive. I honestly couldn’t see any signs of drunkenness, slurring words or anything, so I figured he was fibbing a bit on the drinking. Especially since the jug was still ¾ full. We go get the pizza, he parks and goes in. I am immediately on the phone with Heidi, relaying the story so far. “Its like arguing with a kid,” I said. “There’s no reasoning with him.”

He suddenly pops out, sans pizza, and I hang up on Heidi and roll down the window. “What’s up,” I ask. “Not ready yet?”

“No,” he says. “Just a couple more minutes though.”We sit there for a second, then he says, “You should kiss the guy who is leaning in your car right now.”

Now excuse me, I am not one to be bossed around, so I said, “Well this isn’t my car.” (OH SNAP)
He said, “Fine. You should kiss the guy who is leaning in your window right now.” So I leaned over and gave him a quick smooch on the lips. He seemed placated and went back inside. A couple minutes later, he comes back out with the pizza.

We drive back to his house and start getting stuff around in the kitchen. I open the bottle of wine I brought and pout myself a glass. He asks me if I need a plate or a fork. “Both,” I said. “Ohhhh getting all high maintenance on me again, are ya?” I just look at him and he says, “I’m kidding! I’m kidding!” he gathers up the stuff and starts leaving the kitchen. I said, “Where are you going?” He said, “Up to my room, so we can eat and play Scrabble.” I said, “Are you seriously going to make me play Scrabble in your room?” He said, “Yes. That’s where I have the best TV at.” So I give him a dubious look (I’m not really sure what sort of look that is, but I’ve always wanted to give someone a dubious look, so why not him?) and head up to his room.
Now, before I go any further, because you’ll need this for reference for a few upcoming tidbits, here is a horribly drawn floorplan of Mike’s bedroom:

Okay, so I am feeling a little better about the situation because its not like we’re sitting on the bed, or even touching one another. And yeah, he did have a better TV upstairs than downstairs. So no dubious look warranted.

So now we enter the weirdly funny part of the evening.

Prior to our meeting, we had talked on the phone quite a bit. One of the things that came up was smoking pot. I told him that I don’t mind if people smoke pot, some of my best friends do. I just don’t because of my job, and mainly because it doesn’t really interest me. However, I don’t care if anyone does it, just keep it away from me because I *hate* the smell of it. So Mike puts the pizza down on the bed and gets up to go into his bathroom. He opens the cabinet until the sink and pulls out this 18 inch bong. Seriously. It was large. He laughs and shows it to me. I said, “Niiiiiiiiiiiiiice.” He then goes, “I gotta go to the bathroom, hang on.” He shuts the door and I immediately hear a bunch of gurgling noise. Yeah. He took a nice long hit. Great. Just… awesome. Two thumbs up. He walks out and looks at me and I said, “Had to use the bathroom, huh?” And he laughs and said, “Yeah, I know, but I know you hate the smell so I kept the door closed.” “Awww what a nice guy,” I say, not mentioning the minute he opened the bathroom door this huge waft of smoke/smell came out after him.

(And now that I am thinking about this, this totally explains why he wanted pizza for dinner!!! OMG!! Never thought about that til just now.)

We eat pizza and watch Tosh.0 (Great series, btw, everyone. If you haven’t ever seen it, Comedy Central.) I’m feeling okay. My glass of wine is almost gone, conversation is good, etc. So he asks me if I’m done and I said yes and he gathers up the boxes, my high-falutin’ plate and fork and takes them downstairs. He comes back up and asks me, “Would you mind setting up the Scrabble board? I’d like to get comfy.” I said, “No problem.” He was standing in his closet door and he starts taking his boots off. Now, he was still in his work clothes: t-shirt covered by a button up cotton dress shirt, nice jeans and boots. Okay, so he starts taking his boots off. I lean over and start putting together the board. I turn around to say something to him, and
HE IS STANDING THERE WITH HIS PANTS OFF.

He had boxers on, granted, but…

HE IS STANDING THERE WITH HIS PANTS OFF.

I blink and said, “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I think I’m going to run downstairs and get my bottle of wine and bring it up.” So I dash out. The funny thing is, I am trying hard not to giggle. Again, I in no way feel uneasy because he hasn’t advanced on me or anything. The thing going through my mind is, “Just when I think I’ve had it all happen to me…”

So I go downstairs and fire off some quicky text messages:

Heidi: OMG HE JUST DEPANTSED
John: On a date.. At his place.. He sd he had to get comfy then TOOK HIS PANTS OFF

And I mentioned something about it on Facebook too, I believe.

So I dash back upstairs, bottle of wine in hand, and he now has on basketball shorts and a t-shirt. WHEW. Crisis averted for now. We commence with the Scrabble playing and I was worried that he’d be spelling all stupid sex words and everything, but honestly, it was a great game. I think I won by 15 or so. (Grandma would be proud.) After the game was over, he starts putting it away and I said, “What? You don’t want to play another game and get beaten again?” He said, “No, Scrabble is a game you only play once a day.” (See, I KNEW I needed to read the official rules one of these days.) He packs up the board, I pour my 3rd wine glass of the night (well, it was more of a mug, really) and he says, “I need to use the bathroom.” And again, gurgling. At this point I’m thinking, really dude? Why even pretend at this point? But I don’t say anything when he comes out, not even when I’m drenched in a cloud created from bong water droplets.

He asks if I want to watch a movie. I said, “Sure, why not?” (To give you a time reference, it was about 9:00 at this point.) He pats the bed next to him and says, “Come on over here.” I said, “Ummmm I dunno. I may just sit here and watch it.” He said, “Seriously, come on, I just want to snuggle while we watch the movie.”

Okay guys, how many times have women fallen for that when you’ve said it? I’m guessing about 100%. I always seem to.

So I hop up on the bed, and he’s behind me and we’re snuggling and watching Rambo. (And yes, the movie was my choice.. anyone who knows me well knows I love action movies with lots of violence.) His hands start rubbing my shoulders, back, etc and long story short (TOO LATE!): we start making out. Now, I’m not going to go into details on that, but a few things to mention:

1. He was an okay kisser is all. On a scale of 1-10, I’d give him maybe a 6.5. Soft lips, but his tongue work is best described as “Eh.”
2. I blame the fact the making out session started on the entire bottle of wine I consumed in less than an hour and a half.
3. He had the TV version of Rambo on his DVR. Seriously? The TV version?

So after about 20-30 minutes of making out, I sort of scoot away and say, “We gotta put the brakes on this. I can’t…” He looks at me and says, “Really?” And I said, “Yeah.” He lays there for a second and says, “Okay.” Then gets up and heads to the bathroom. Again, not to pee. (And I’m going to tell myself it was JUST a bong hit and not a cover up for something else… SICKOS.) He then comes back out and joins me back on the bed to keep watching the movie.

Now comes the downright mean part.

We’re laying there for 5-10 minutes, and he isn’t doing anything. Not talking to me, not assuming the snuggling position with me again, nothing. So based on his recreational activities, I wonder if he’s fallen asleep. I turn over and look at him and nope, he’s wide awake, staring at the TV. He looks at me and simply says, “What?”

I don’t say anything for a second because in my gut, I know what’s going on. But…

“Um… do you want me to leave or something?”
He says, “Yeah. Well no. I mean, only if you want to.”

I kinda nod and say, “Well, I guess I’ll leave then.” I’m taking some slow breaths at this point, trying not to get really pissed off and start yelling at him. I lean over and put my socks and my shoes back on. I stand up, grab my wine mug and turn around to look at him.

He says, “Do you want me to walk you to the door?”
I said, “Only if you want to.”
He pauses, then says, “Nah, I’m comfortable right here.”

I just stare at him for a second, then I start to walk out of the room. Now if those weren’t bad enough, the comment he made that hit me the hardest came next. He called out after me, “Hey. Could you go out through the front door? I don’t want to have to get up and shut the garage door again after you leave.”

I didn’t even dignify that with a response.

I’m walking down the dark hallway and he yells, “Do you need a lightswitch? There’s one at the top of the stairs.” I yell back, “No!” I go to the kitchen, put my wine mug in the sink, grab my purse and coat and head out the front door. I got into the car, started up and dialed Heidi. It was around 10:00. “You are never going to believe what he just did…”

Now this is the end of the date part of my blog post. What follows is my reaction to it and my feelings about myself and everything. So if you’re not into that aspect of it (and I don’t think its complainy) you can probably skip. Basically the previous part is the funny, this next part is the serious.

When I left his house, I was walking a fine line between being angry and crying my eyes out. I was so pissed off on so many levels. Up until that point, he had actually been a really decent guy. I never felt like he was going to try and pressure me to do anything I didn’t want to (and he actually didn’t..), so I never felt uncomfortable about spending so much time in his room. But the way he spoke and what he said, he was just so… upset that nothing progressed past the point it did, which made me realize he was expecting it all night long, he was just really good at hiding it. Again, in retrospect, I probably should have known that, being the setting we were in, but when a guy doesn’t try and put the moves on you prior to that, you get to thinking, “Okay, so he’s willing to take it at a slow pace. Awesome.” No, he wasn’t. I was pissed that someone of his age (39) would behave so childishly. I mean seriously, we were making out. There’s a pretty good chance, had we had another date, something more might have went down. You can’t wait a couple more days? But to turn and just get MEAN… I don’t GET it. So then you start second guessing EVERYTHING and wonder how long he had been just planning on trying to get a piece of ass. So then I start over-thinking everything and that pissed me off more, feeling like couldn’t trust my instincts any more.

But then the crying my eyes out part hit me. I honestly have not felt that low in a really long time. To be 100% honest with you, I felt worthless, I felt cheap and I felt completely disposable. I am the kind of person who has a pretty high self-esteem and it takes something pretty major to shoot holes in it. And this did. This did a lot. That’s probably why I was so upset about it afterwards.. the effect it had on me. I had something similar to this happen to me when I lived in the Quad Cities 10 years ago, but nothing since. Most of my horrible dating stories I can usually laugh off, and this one I can in certain parts, but not all of it. Just the way I was spoken to at the end, when I made a decision based on how I was feeling at the time, to made to feel like I was worthless.. that really hit me hard. I was still thinking about it the next day. I’m probably not even putting it into the right words, either.

I’m sort of at a point where I’m contemplating giving up. Or at least taking a break for awhile. As corny as it sounds, I think I may need time to recover from this. The problem I am having is I KNOW there are great guys out there. I KNOW there are ones that I would have a great relationship with. I can think of 3 off the top of my head. Problem is, 2 of the 3 are already taken, so completely off-limits unless their situation changes, and the 3rd doesn’t live close by. So I KNOW they exist. I just can’t seem to attract them. And again, now is where this hit to my self-esteem comes in. Maybe I’m not cute enough, maybe I talk too loud, maybe I say the word “fuck” too much, maybe I’m too opinionated, maybe I’m not girly enough, maybe the only great thing about me is my boobs. You know, at least when Dave and I were dating, granted he ended up screwing someone else, but at least he treated me great while we were together.

I don’t know.

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What happened with Dave

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“You make me dance like fool,
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold,
Buzz like a bee;
Just the thought of you can drive me wild…
Oh, you make me smile”
– “Smile,” Uncle Kracker

It was approximately 10:00am when my work phone rang. It was a local number, but I didn’t recognize it. “Where I Work, this is Me…”

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU…” I immediately recognized Dave’s sleepy, craggly, deep voice and I started laughing. “You dork!”

“How is your 34th birthday going?” he asked.

“Better now! That was unexpected!”

“I thought I’d just call and surprise you and wish you a happy birthday.”

“Well thank you, that’s sweet. We still good for tonight, then?”

“Yeah, I was going to suggest cooking at your place, since I’m working north of you. It would just be easier for me to drive there after, instead of coming home and then coming back up to your place.”

“That’s fine with me. You know what time you’re planning on getting there?”

“No idea. Hopefully 6 or so. My dad’s going to watch the dogs tonight, so I don’t have to worry about letting them out or anything.”

“Okay, sounds good. Looking forward to it.”

“Me too. I gotta run, though.”

“Okay. Thanks for the call. Made my day.”

“Ha ha, you’re welcome. See you tonight.”

“Bye.”

*click*

Dave had promised me whatever I wanted for my birthday dinner, he was going to cook it all. I had chosen crab legs, and left the side dishes up to him. I’d never had someone actually steam crab legs for me, and I love the taste of them, so why not?

I was giddy to the point of bouncing in my seat. Things were going pretty well with us. He’d been a bit quieter than normal the prior weeks, but he explained it was the stress of dealing with his divorce and with business slowing down due to the economy. I completely understood. We actually decided to scale back some of our Thursday night dinners because of it. And honestly, I was really excited to see what he got me for a gift. He told me a week prior that he had the perfect gift for me. He saw it and just knew that I would love it. I was dying to see what he came up with. So far, 34 was starting off a LOT better than some previous years.

“One minute I held the key
Next the walls were closed on me
And I discovered that my castles stand
Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand.”
– “Viva La Vida,” Coldplay

I got a text from Dave at 12:36. “I have something that I need to tell you and you’re not going to like it, but I hope you’ll understand.”

I sat and stared at it. I just knew that meant something had come up and he wasn’t going to be able to make it tonight to make dinner. I took a deep breath. I texted back: “You’re not canceling on me, are you?”

I immediately go t a text back: “No, something else.”

I picked up the phone and called him. It was 12:38. I remember the time, clear as day, because I had a meeting scheduled at 1:00.

He answers. “Hello?”

I try to keep my voice light. “All right, what’s going on?”

There was a long silence on his end. With each second, the knot in my stomach grew larger and larger, and grabbed me tighter and tighter.

“Awwww man… I’m such a pussy.” He sighed. “I didn’t want to do this over text, but I was kinda hoping I could. Then you had to go and call…”

“What, Dave? Please tell me what’s going on?”

He sighed again. “Well, um, about 3 ½ weeks ago, I was down at ‘A Bar,’ having a drink and I ran into someone from my high school. We started talking and…” he trailed off. I was breathless. He finished the sentence in almost a whisper. “…and I think I just kinda want to just see her.”

I took a deep breath and tears came to my eyes. I almost threw up at my desk. My stomach was clenched so tight, I could barely breathe.

“I…” I couldn’t finish. I didn’t know what to say.

“I still want to come over and see you tonight. I want to make you dinner, and I want to give you your present.”

“You can keep your present.” I said. “Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to give it to me.”

“No, no. I got it especially for you. I want you to have it. And I promised I would make you dinner, and I still want to.”

“You’re not obligated to any more.”

“I don’t feel obligated. I still want to come over if you’ll let me.”

I paused and sat there, still stunned. Was I having this conversation right now? Tears were actually streaming down my face. Yes, I was having this conversation. “On my birthday, really?”

He sighed. “The timing is terrible, I know. But I couldn’t wait another day.”

“But my birthday?” I whispered.

He didn’t say anything.

I sighed. Deep down, in my heart and my gut, I knew that if he came over, it would be the last time I ever saw him. I was wrestling with myself as to whether or not it would do more harm than good to see him. As much as it would hurt to see him go, I couldn’t let him get out of this by doing it over the phone. I needed him to see me, to see my face, to watch me cry, to see how he was hurting me.

“Okay, fine. You can come over.”

He said okay and I told him I had to hang up to go to a meeting. A 2 hour long meeting. Where I got to sit in a room with 12 other people and try to get myself composed. I failed. I was sniffling and wiping my eyes every 5 minutes. A couple people noticed but didn’t say anything. It honestly was the longest 2 hours of my life. I kept replaying everything that had gone on the past couple of weeks in my head. There was one glaringly obvious sign that I chose to ignore because up until that point, he’d given me no reason to doubt him or to be suspicious that anything else was going on. And no, I’m not going to go into detail as to what that glaringly obvious sign was. Its irrelevant.

The meeting got over and I walked up to my boss and asked him if I could leave an hour early. I told him it was a family crisis, and there was no way I’d be able to get anything done the last hour. He looked at me and said that was fine. I grabbed my purse, my jacket and left, heading home.

“I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do.”
– “Over and Over,” Nelly featuring Tim McGraw

I called my sister.

“Happy birthday!”

I sniffled. “Dave just dumped me.”

She paused. “What? You’re lying.”

“No, I’m dead serious.”

“What?! I can’t believe that! On your BIRTHDAY?!?”

My sister and brother in law had met up with Dave & I about a month prior. The 4 of us (and a friend of theirs) went out for dinner & drinks. We had an amazingly great time. My sister said he was really cool, he seemed really into me, was funny. Dave said that he loved hanging out with them. Found them funny and we had actually made plans to go visit them for a weekend in May.

She growled. “I think I still have his cellphone number in my phone. I should call him up and bitch his ass out.”

“No.. I’m going to do that tonight. He still wants to come over and cook me dinner for my birthday.”

“And you’re going to let him?!? WHY?!?!”

“Because I can’t let him break up with me over the phone.”

“Who cares? He’s an asshole! You should just ignore him and never talk to him again.”

“I can’t do that though.. I need to see him.”

“Why?”

“I… I don’t know. I can’t explain it. Probably because I know I’ll never see him again. I can’t just throw away 5 months in one night.”

“Why not? He did.”

“Seriously…”

“I am being serious. What a jerk.”

I sighed. I’m not sure if I ever loved my sister more than I did at that moment. She was so pissed off, so outraged that someone that I cared for that much had hurt me so badly. I was tempted to let her call him, but I knew it would make it worse. “Its fine. I’ll call you later about it.”

“Okay. Let me know if you need anything.”

I called Michelle, my best friend, and we talked for awhile. I was sitting on my couch, still talking to her, when Dave pulled up around 6:30. I heard him rumbling around outside, heard him come in the door. He was lugging a box up my stairs. My birthday present. “I have to go,” I told Michelle. “He’s here.”

“I gave her my heart, and she gave me a pen.” –Lloyd Dobbler, “Say Anything.”

I couldn’t look at him. I physically could not look him in the eyes. He put the box at the top of the stairs and I stared down at it. It was a cooler. Yes, THAT kind of cooler. That you keep beer in. “What is this?” I asked.

“Your gift,” he said. “I know how much you like to tailgate, so I thought you could take this along.”

“You can keep it, its fine. You don’t have to give it to me.”

The trust was, I didn’t WANT it. A fucking COOLER. THAT was my perfect gift? Its like he didn’t even know me at ALL. It meant nothing to me. Of all of the things he could have gotten, Christ. A COOLER.

“No, I want you to have it. I picked it out for you.”

It was just getting worse.

I sighed and said, “Okay,” and left the cooler where it was at the top of the stairs (and where it would remain for the next month and a half. I made sure to kick it everytime I came home. There’s a nice dent in the side of the box). I turned and walked into the kitchen so I could grab a recipe on the counter that I was planning on making that night. He wasn’t saying anything and neither was I.

I then walked to the end table to pick up my keys. We still hadn’t made eye contact. I couldn’t look at him. “Um.. okay.. we uh need to go to the store and get a couple things quick…” I stopped and took a deep breath, trying not to cry.

He came up behind me and said softly, “Hey, hey, hey…” and put his arms around me and hugged me from behind.

I shrugged him off and said, “Please don’t touch me right now. If you do that I’m going to start crying and I don’t want go into the grocery store looking like that.”

Even though I couldn’t see his face, I knew that hurt him when I heard the “Okay” that he mumbled.

We went to the store and all we did was walk around. He tried to converse, but I just whispered one or two word answers. I had no desire to be there right now. But I couldn’t tell him to fuck off and get out of my life, either. Not yet.

We drove back to my place. I unpacked the bags on the counter and he sat down at the kitchen table and just looked at me. Finally I got the courage to look up at him. And the tears finally came.

“It’s no surprise I won’t be here tomorrow
I can’t believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we’ll find this was no surprise.”
– “No Surprise,” Daughtry

As great as I am at remembering conversations, this one, I’ll be honest, I only remember snippits of. I apologize if this comes across as disjointed, but for obvious reasons, my recollection of the whole thing is cloudy.

“I’m really sorry.”
“But my birthday, Dave? Seriously? My fucking birthday?!?”
“Its bad timing, I know. My sister even told me not to do it on your birthday.”
“Your SISTER? You talked to your sister about this???”
“Yes. I needed some advice on what to do.”
“So you decided to completely ignore her advice then? My BIRTHDAY?!? Why couldn’t you have waited until tomorrow? Or next week or something?!”
“Because I didn’t want you to look back on your birthday and think that this was all a lie.”
“Oh, like this is so much better.”
“Well what do you want me to do?”
“I DON’T KNOW!”

And then…
“This isn’t easy for me either, knowing that I’ve hurt you as much as I have with this.”
“Really? Because it seems pretty easy on your end from where I’m standing.”
“Seriously, if I didn’t care about you, I wouldn’t be here right now. I would have totally broken it off in that text message and deleted your number and not looked back. But I care a lot about you, and that’s why I wanted to come here tonight. To not run away from this.”

I wanted to ask him WHY.. WHY WHYWHYWHYWHYWHYWHY!!!!!!!! What every girl wants to know: Why HER AND NOT ME. WHAT IS SO WRONG WITH ME AND SO RIGHT WITH HER?!?!?!?!? But the thought of him telling me how wonderful she is made me sick to my stomach and so I didn’t WANT to know. I wanted him to tell me that there was nothing wrong with me, that if he could be with me he would be, but he had to donate her a kidney or something and so he was obligated to be with her. Even if it wasn’t the truth, that’s what I wanted to hear.

“I can’t explain what happened. We just started talking at the bar one night, exchanged numbers and have been talking and texting non-stop and.. I want to see where this goes.”

I wanted to put my hands over my ears and scream ENOUGHENOUGHENOUGHENOUGH SHUT THE FUCK UP AND STOP TALKING ABOUT HER. I DON’T WANT TO HEAR ALL THIS!!!! I also wanted to tell him, “Funny, that’s EXACTLY how you and I started out. That’s how the first 3 months of OUR relationship was, too.”

But I didn’t.

Then I get…

“I KNEW you were getting too attached to me. I warned you not to get attached.”
“Well you got attached to me, too! You even said so yourself!”
Hello, ASS… you JUST got done telling me how much you care about me and THAT’S why you came over instead of breaking up with me over the phone. I wanted to yell HOW DARE YOU USE MY FEELINGS FOR YOU AGAINST ME.. AS AN EASY WAY OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP.

I said, “How was I getting too attached?”
“Things you said, things you did.. it made me realize that you had deeper feelings for me than you were telling me.”
“Give me an example.”
“I can’t.”
ARGH! “Well then I don’t see how you can say that about me.”
“I see you 2-3 times a week. That’s more than I see my family or any of my other friends. I spend a lot of time with you.”
“So what? Its not like you couldn’t say ‘No, I don’t want to hang out tonight.’ We’ve had plans fall through before. Did I get upset or anything?”
“No.”
“Well then? I don’t get how that matters? If you didn’t want to hang out with me, you should have SAID so.”
“But I DID want to hang out with you.. its just that I’m not used to seeing someone that much.”
“So WHAT IS THE ISSUE THEN?”
“You are just way more into me than you are letting on. You’re not being honest with me about your feelings.”
“What are you talking about? Anytime you’ve asked me how I feel about you, I’ve always answered you honestly.”
“You told me that in 6 months, if this doesn’t work out, then you’re fine with that.”
“Yeah, I meant if the 2 of us dating doesn’t work out, then hey, we gave it a shot. I didn’t mean because you’d be seeing someone else on the side. Besides, its not even that.. Okay, fine, so you’re not as interested in me as you were. I get that, that happens. That’s not the whole reason I am upset.”
“You’re upset because we can’t do this anymore. Because we can’t do our dinners anymore.”
“YES. Because we’ve had such a great time together. THIS is what I look forward to every week.”
“Me too! We can still do this.. I just wouldn’t feel comfortable without having her there, though.”

I just stared at him. I wanted to punch him in the face right then.

And then…
“We can still be friends after this. That’s what I want. Its why I’m here.”
I laughed out loud. “No we can’t.”
“Why not? Yes we can, unless you don’t want to.”
“Oh I would want to, I can’t imagine you NOT being in my life, but your new girlfriend won’t allow it.”
“Why wouldn’t she?”
“Because I’ve been through all this before with my roommate. She will not let you be friends with, or hang out with someone you’ve dated, who is now single. There is no way.”
“Do you really think I am the kind of person who would date someone who dictated to me who I could and couldn’t hang out with? No. I will not allow her to dictate who my friends are.”
“It doesn’t matter. She will. And you’ll allow it.”
“We can still hang out, like meet up with friends at a bar or something.”
“When do we EVER do that now?”
“I don’t know.”
“Whatever, Dave. I don’t think you realize how much this is hurting me. Do you understand that in one fell swoop, I lost a relationship and a friendship that meant so much to me, when I didn’t even know it was in trouble? Do you have any idea what that’s like?”

Sometime in the midst of all of this, we ate dinner. Well, he did. I just picked at it.

Then we ended up on the couch, talking. I finally allowed him to hug me while I was crying. It wasn’t comforting at all. Again, I knew it was the last time I would see him.

“How can you just walk away from me,
When all I can do is watch you leave…
Take a look at me now,
”Cause there’s just an empty space.
There’s nothing left here to remind me,
Just the memory of your face.”
– “Against All Odds,” Phil Collins

He left around 11. As I walked him down the stairs, he said, “Promise me you’ll text me tomorrow morning?”
I shrugged.

“I’m going to be really upset if you don’t talk to me tomorrow.” Again, trying to keep up the friend façade.
I said, “Sure.” I sat down on the stairs and watched him put on his shoes. He then looked at me, really looked at me, and winced. He had emotion behind those eyes.

He leaned over and gave me a huge hug. And then he whispered something in my ear that stabbed me in the gut more than anything else he said that night.

“Please have faith in me.”

And I knew right then, I didn’t.

I have to stop writing this now, because I’m really getting worked up over this, even 7 months later. There’s a bit more to the story (kind of), and I didn’t exactly get all my thoughts about it out. That’ll come in a later post. I can’t do it right now.

And one last thing, please no “What a fucking asshole” comments, please. Its not what I’m trying to get out of this post. Yes, he did a shitty thing, but I don’t necessarily believe he was a shitty guy. So keep that in mind with what you say.

Real Time Update: Handshakes are a guy’s best friend!

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Hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. Mine was full of shopping and planting. Whee! 2 things before I give updates:

1) Please please PLEASE don’t comment about my posts on here on my Facebook wall. A couple of the dudes that I’ve written about have added me as friends on Facebook, so even though their names on here are psuedonyms, the jobs/stories are 100% real, and they can tell that their being talked about. I’m not trying to hide this blog, and I won’t when/IF I start dating someone seriously. I just don’t want the guys to take this as malicious. its not meant to be. Although, seriously, they’ve been crazy, haven’t they? Hehehe. Anyways, if you have comments, either send them via email, facebook mail, or leave them on here. I’d appreciate it!!!

2) A shout out to Kori! She and her mom met up with my mom this past weekend and apparently my blog was mentioned. My mom is sort of clueless about this.. she thought they were talking about my regular facebook page. NOPE! You all know more about my dating life than my mom. Mainly because when I go out with a guy she gets all… questiony about it. “Who is he?” “what does he do?” like we’re destined to end up together. So yeah, I don’t introduce mom to too many guys early on. Anyways, thanks for the great words, Kori! I appreciate it! (Kori’s awesome, by the way, and has the most ADORABLE little girls…)

Okay, so 2 updates!

Went out for drinks with Steve on Thursday night. Well, here’s the scenario: I had sent Steve an email on Cupid (not a winkie!) that just said “Hey, thought you sounded interesting. let me know if you want to chat.” He emails me back saying, “Sure. Want to meet for drinks? I live near here, here and here.” I write back. “Sure, I am free these times…” He emails back, “Cool, what about Thursday?” I agree, and BAM! that was it.

I have NEVER gone out on a date with a guy that I had never met in person before, or talked to on the phone before. Even blind dates that friends have set me up on, I knew SOMETHING about them. Not Steve. My thought process was: Look where “getting to know someone” has led me so far! Nowhere. Exactly.

I had agreed earlier in the week to meet up with a friend of mine for drinks after work and I suggested the place I was meeting Steve. that way, I’m already there. (Smart girl, ain’t I?) She knows that I’m meeting Steve later on in the night, and calms me down by talking about some stuff. I have 1 beer while I am waiting for Steve to show. Okay, I had 2. Shush! This time, I had a slight case of nerves because I had never met Steve before. And for all I knew, his last name was Bundy and he liked to dance around at midnight on the soltice covered in chicken blood, eating KFC. (The again, honestly, who doesn’t?) Anyway, right before Steve goes to show up, she leaves.

Okay, here comes the inevitable tangent that always rears its head when I tell a story. Ask Eli. I always have a main story and then like 3 sub-stories. Sometimes the sub-stories are better. Okay, so sub-story. I sort of, kind of am familiar with the bartender at this bar. My friend Beth and I hang out here every once in awhile, and usually on Thursday nights. So I’m talking to him for a couple minutes and he goes to help these chicks who had sat down at the end of the bar. All of a sudden, I hear one of the girls say to the bartender: “Ask her about dinosaurs.” So, of course, he asks the 2nd girl about them.

Now, before I continue on, let me explain that these chicks are in their mid-20’s. They are not… well… they aren’t first graders. That being said, let’s recap. Girl #1 says, “Ask her about bartenders.” Bartender: “What about dinosaurs?”

Girl#2 says: I don’t believe they exist.

Right. Read that again:

Girl#2 says: I don’t believe they exist.

So of course, my attention is now 100% diverted from the Cubs game. The bartender says, “How can you not believe they exist?”
Girl #2: There’s no proof.
Bartender: uh.. THERE ARE BONES.
Girl #2: They aren’t real, though.
Bartender: Well then what are they?
Girl #2: I don’t know. I think the scientists carved them out of stone or something.
The bartender looks at me and says, “Are you getting this?”
Me: So, do you not believe in mummies? not like monster mummies, but like Egyptian mummies?
Girl #2: No. I think they are just stuffed pieces of old paper.
Girl #1: But get this, she believes in ghosts.
Bartender: So, you believe in something that we have no living proof of, but you don’t believe in something where we have millions of bones to back up the claim?
Girl #2: the bones are fake!
Me: I wish I could be a scientist. Just sit aruond and carve bones all day for thousands of dollars. Do you believe that we’ve actually landed on the moon?
Girl #2: Oh yeah. And I believe there are aliens, too.
Girl #1: WHAT?!
Girl #2: Well they HAVE to be real because how else do you explain all the people who have claimed to be abducted?

By now the bartender and I are laughing our asses off. To recap, she doesn’t believe mummies and dinosaurs are real. but there’s no question about ghosts and aliens.

I love random people.

Okay, so anyway, right about this time, Steve shows up. I recognized him immediately. He was cute, really short. Never dated a short guy before. So he orders a PBR and we start talking about the house he’s planning on buying, he talks to me about his work (he works at the same place as The teacher, by the way. How friggin’ weird is THAT?). The entire time, i can tell he’s not really feeling it. And honestly, I wasn’t either. We didn’t lack for conversation, but it wasn’t really.. interesting. Or stimulating. I asked him how many people he’d met from offline and he said, “Only 3. I’m not into this whole online thing, really.” Okay, soooo huh? He didn’t sound like he was looking to date at ALL, much less me. So yeah, I could tell he wasn’t interested. And that turned me off. After a 2nd PBR, he said, “Well, I gotta get going.” He hopped off his stool and stuck out his hand to shake mine. WE SHOOK HANDS GOODBYE. Like a business-type handshake, too. As in: “Thanks for the meeting. Let’s go over that budget schematic next Friday at noon, shall we? Call my secretary to set it up.” Sheesh.

As a 2nd aside, after he left, the two guys who were sitting on either side of us at the bar both started engaging me in conversation. One even bought me a drink. Hehehehe. i didn’t get eother’s number, though, because as i was getting ready to leave, one was in the bathroom and one had some friends who showed up & he was talking to them. DAMNIT! but the night ended on a good note!!

Okay, part 2. This is what I have written up to send to The Teacher. Let me know your thoughts.

Dear Teach,

I hope you had a nice weekend with your girls and your family. At least the weather held out until this afternoon! I spent mine visiting my folks, doing some shopping and getting my planting done. I haven’t had 2 straight days off in a row in a long time, so it was a nice break for me!

I can completely emapthize with being stressed out about school and work, and completely unhappy with where you’re at in life. Right now, I’m so OVER school. Even though I only have 8 months to go, I still can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. And then there’s the huge fear that I am doing this for nothing, that this degree will not get me anywhere. As for my job, its unfulfilling now, unsatisfying. And, like you, there’s not much I can do right now to change that, either. I am so thankful to have a job, I just wish it was one where I woke up in the morning, excited to go in. (Then again, who really has that job? Rock stars?)

So I just wanted to let you know I can understand all the weirdness that’s been going on with you. You just have to have faith you’ll get through it all, and that things work out like they should.

I do want to say though, that even though I can empathize, and that I know how much stress can consume someone, my feelings were a bit hurt when I called on Sunday and you didn’t answer the phone. I guess i didn’t understand why you’d tell me to call that night, and then not answer. And not answer in any way, shape or form until now… 3 weeks later. Just something about me, you can tell me “Hey, I can’t talk right now. Things are so stressful for me, I need some time to work them out.” and I would be 100% fine with that. Seriously. I wouldn’t push or anything. Because i KNOW how it goes… but I just would have appreciated a heads up, I guess. As it made it seem like there was something I did that was causing you to pull away.

that being said, when things calm down with you, are you still interested in meeting up sometime? We got along great on the phone, and we have so many similiar interests, I would be up for it if you were. no time table, of course, but.. just wondering.

Hope you’re well and I will talk to you later…

Me

Okay, thoughts? Honestly? Do I sound too.. weird? One thing, I am totally NOT going to sit around & wait for him, so don’t read the email that way. No worries on that. its just sort of a.. I’m not ready to write him off as a complete douchebag yet. But maybe I should?

C.D. #2: An Unexpected Turn of Events, Part 3

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So now we’re on Wednesday…

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And Wednesday brought an unexpected turn of events…

The morning started off okay. I was tired OFF MY ASS, but I was extremely giddy. Who wouldn’t be after the awesomeness that was that date?!? I sent Jay a text message in the morning that said, “Thanks again for last night. Had a great time!” And happily went about my work. At around 10, I got a text back from him that says, “Overslept this morning. Heading into work.” Poor thing. Well we WERE up quite late the night before. Yes, yes, yes. At around 11:30, I thought, ‘Screw this. I’m not getting anything done today and I am tired OFF MY ASS (see above), so I am heading home.” Told my boss I was taking 4 hours PTO and texted jay, ‘Don’t laugh, but I’m going home to take a nap!’

Went home, fell asleep and woke up around 4pm. Sent Jay a text, ‘Naps are great!’ He texted back, ‘In a class. Didn’t want to text and wake you up.’ I texted back, ‘Thanks! Wide awake now!’  He texts back…

Wait.

No, he didn’t.

I didn’t think anything of it. Stuck in a work related class. Boring. And hard to goof off doing anything else. So I didn’t hear anything else from him on Wednesday.

Thursday rolls around:

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Got busy with work and around noon realized I hadn’t heard from Jay all morning, which was really weird for us. Sent him a text saying, ‘Busy day for me! Hope you are well!’ He texts back…

Wait.

No, he didn’t.

Until 10:30pm when I get: “Memphis is fucking up your brackets.” (I had picked Memphis to win the NCAA tournament, and this was the night they lost.) I text back, “Son of a bitch! Seriously?” (because I wasn’t watching the game.) He texts back…

Wait.

No, he didn’t.

That was the last time I heard from Jay. The VERY LAST TIME. I didn’t text him, email him or call him at all until the following Sunday night:

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I sent him an email that said the following:

I hope your concert today was a good time. For some reason I was thinking it was an outdoors one (?) and was glad that Sunday ended up not being as rainy as the weather people predicted it to be. My dinner party was great. Ended up making a tomato, avacado salad with a nice vinagrette dressing. The pork was delicious, and my card playing was even better! 🙂

So, here’s the real reason for this email: Are you interested in going out again? I know last week we both agreed that there would definately need to be a 2nd date, but I just wanted to make sure things hadn’t changed at all. Because if not, I guess I am formally asking you out on a 2nd date, since you were nice enough to ask me out on our 1st. I figured we could just do something simple. We both like to cook, so what about just cooking dinner at my place or yours and just watching a couple of DVDs? (Boondock Saints? Audition?)  Or if you’d rather go out someplace, that Haunting in Conneticut movie is out, we could see that. Its just a thought.

I know your schedule is really busy, so it doesn’t have to be this week or anything. Just trying to get an idea of when you’d be free in the next couple weeks. We could do it on a week night, too, if that would work out better. I’m usually free Tues, Weds & Thurs nights.

I guess all this is dependent on whether or not you’re still interested. So if you are, let me know and we’ll figure out a time to get together. If not… hmmm… I guess “bummer” would be the word I would use, as I had a great time last week.

Hope to hear from you soon either way…

Me

He emails back…

Wait.

No, he didn’t.

I will be 100% honest and say that I was seriously CRUSHED. My feelings were hurt, I began to doubt myself, and replayed the entire date in my mind to see if there were subtle signs I should’ve been picking up that he wasn’t interested. But guess what? THOSE SIGNS WEREN’T FUCKING THERE. I misread NOTHING. Even my guy friends were fucking baffled. They ALL told me, “You don’t do that shit with a girl you’re not interested in.” I had this actual conversation with one:

Friend: Well that’s weird.

Me: I KNOW. Did I totally misread things?

Him: No. Well.. maybe he was just looking to get some from you or something.

Me: We discussed it ahead of time, no sex on the first date. Although, seriously, there was a time that night where, if he would’ve asked, I would have caved.

Him: Yeah, well, and besides, I have some girls I just wanna have as booty calls, and even though I don’t wanna date them, I still wanna do them, so I call them every so often. Say hi, ask how they’re doing. Have to keep the stable happy, ya know?

Me: Nice.

Yeah, I have some… enlightening friends. HAHAHA.

So as the week progresses, I’m just more and more bummed. I mean we seriously had a connection. I could FEEL it. I’m still not sure if it all came across in parts 1 & 2, but besides the physical connection, there was a huge mental connection, too. Did I mention our first phone call lasted SEVEN FUCKING HOURS? So, yeah. My friends keep telling me “Well maybe he was in a car accident or something.” Well if he was, he was still logging on to cupid, the fucker.

Soooooooooooooooooo I was feeling pretty low about myself after that date, and THAT is why I decided to go on a date with Ron the Tool. To make myself feel better. And all I apparently did was get pissed off even more. So BAH! BAH, I SAY! FUCK YOU, JAY. FUCK. YOU. JAY. YOU FEELING HURTER, YOU! YOU LEADER ONNER, YOU! BAH!

So now I’m even MORE wary of dating someone on that goddamned site. BUT I have 11 paid months still. So I’ll keep on plugging along.

Quick real time updates:

1)    I have a date scheduled with a guy for this Saturday night. We talked about it Sunday and will hopefully cement plans tonight. He’s cute, a teacher, seems grounded, owns a house, drives a car… something’s gotta be wrong with him. Maybe a post-op tranny.

2)    There’s another guy has asked me out. He has his pilots license and is studying to become a commercial airline pilot. He seems really nice, though he keeps dogging himself on his looks/weight (6’1, 230). I can’t handle people with low self-esteems. I work hard to keep myself happy, I dunno if I have enough strength to be constantly reassuring someone else, too. We’ll see though. No red flag yet.

3)    I went shopping at Merle Hay Mall last night looking for some retail therapy and trying to find a new shirt to wear Saturday night. I was about 50 feet from the AT&T store there when I stopped, mildly horrified. I had COMPLETELY forgotten that Jay worked there. I never shop at Merle Hay (I rarely shop at the mall anyway. TARGET! HOLLA!), so it was just total random coincidence I was there. But I just KNEW, I KNEW, the ONE TIME I am at this goddamned mall, Jay would be working. I stood for a second, took a deep breath and walked by the store, glancing in. Yep. He was there.

And my feelings were hurt all over again.