I have no f’n clue


All right, my dating life is seriously f’d up. I mean for real, folks.

So after the last crapass date that I had (the jackass who wouldn’t walk me to the door), I deactivated my online dating profiles and just said SCREW IT. I gave up on dating for awhile. I just couldn’t freaking take it any more of the disappointment, rejection and craziness. So a break was what I needed to sort of regroup and just CHILLAX. (I hate that fucking word, seriously.)

So a couple weeks ago, I reactivated one dating profile. ONE. I clicked on one match and he seemed like a pretty cool guy So I shot him a message. Here’s his rundown: 37, divorced, 15 y/o daughter that lives with her mother in AZ. He is originally from Boston, got a huge promotion a year ago to move here to Iowa, works for generally the same “company” I do, just a different dept. Based no his job, I can pretty accurately guesstimate that he makes good money. He’s also a PT fireman/EMT nights and weekends. He’s a pretty cool guy. Has a GREAT Boston accent, too. Love it.

Okay so we email for awhile and then he asks if he can text me because he can’t access his personal email as much as he would like to. No problem. So we start texting, an we’re both texting machines. And guess what? he spells out words! “you “are” “too” etc. OMG dying breed!! So he asks me out and the night he wants to go, I am busy with a friend. He’s totally cool with that. We keep texting, and a few days later he asks me out again. Again, I am busy. However, suddenly my Monday night (tonight) is free. So I ask if he’s available an he says most definately. So we set the date for tonight.

I tell him, though, that as weird as it sounds, I’d feel more comfortable going out with him if we could talk on the phone first. You can have chemistry with someone in texts and email because its really to write, more difficult to speak. And I want to make sure I can carry on a conversation with someone. He was totally cool with it, and we talked twice this past Sunday (yesterday). And omg, the conversation flowed so easily. And after each conversation, he’d send me a message that said something along the lines of “talking to you makes me smile, I really enjoyed it” etc etc. So after all this, needless to say, I was/am SUPER nervous about the date.

Flash forward to earlier tonight. We had been off and on texting during the day, no as much as normal because he had 5 hour + meetings, so he was busy most of the day. I texted him when I was on the way to our designated meeting place and he let me know he was in the process of leaving work. When I about 2 minutes away, I gave him a call.

Me: Hey, you there yet?
Him: I just pulled up. Where are you at?
Me: About 2 minutes away. I can actually see the place in the distance. Are you still in the parking lot?
Him: Yeah, I was getting out of the car when you called. But if you’re almost here, I’ll just wait for you.
Me: What kind of car do you drive?

He told me and I saw him and pulled into a parking space next to his. We both get out of the car and he immediately comes over and gives me a huge hug. He initiated. He said, “Its really great to finally me you.” I said, “Oh yeah, definately.” And we walk into the bar. He’s a little less peppy than normal because he just came off 2 days shifts and then an overnight at the fire station. He apparently had a bad meeting at work, too, and didn’t really feel like talking about it. Fine by me!

Okay, so he was good looking! I mean, really, totally my type. 6’3, had a shaved head, normally wears a goatee, but had it shaved off, awesome accent, a bigger guy (which I really go for). So I’m thinking okay yeah, this could be pretty cool.

So we sit down and we order a drink and he starts talking about work. I ask him how he ended up in the area from Boston. He starts giving me a run down and then starts talking to me explaining more in depth about his job, since I’m not familiar with it.

Now, the entire time, he’s not always looking right at me when he talks. His eyes kinda dart around to the side, to me, to the TV behind me. I’m not exactly sure if he’s nervous, not interested or just gets easily distracted. But its enough shiftiness that I notice it.

So we keep talking and he asks me how I ended up here from where I grew up and how I ended up with my new job. So I launch into that story, and it just kinda occurs to me that its all superficial stuff. Really safe things. Nothing personal.. a few flags go up. I was getting the feeling that he wasn’t really opening up because he wasn’t really interested. But, it was a little early in the night, so you never can tell this early on.

So we decide to have some dinner with our drinks, and we’re eating food when I ask about his daughter an his ex-wife. He tells me a little bit about them, and I tell him, “I feel like you’re getting all personal and I’m not..If you have anything you want to know about me, please feel free to ask.” He says, “Hmmm well I can’t think of anything I want to ask.” It was like WAH-WAAAAAAAAAAAH. Sooo okay he’s not interested about my life. Okay, well I’m slowly getting the hint.

We get to talking about his firefighting job and he tells me that pretty much this weekend, he is completely full with his work. Its the town festival and he has to be a part of the pancake breakfast, doing firehouse detail, etc. Then he mentions how he is going to be busy all next week, too because his regional manager is coming to do an inspection of his area. And THEN, after that, he lets me know he is going to Boston for 2 weeks to visit his folks and his daughter (who is visiting them for the summer), and around the 4th of July, he may end up in Maine for a 2 week training of a manager. I said, “Oh! So you’ll probably be gone until mid-July the, huh?” he said yeah.

So yeah, basically, he’s putting it out there that he’s going to be busy, so when he tells me he’s not ready to date because his schedule is so hectic.. it’ll let me down easy. I’ve been there before. I totally get that he’d rather do that then tell me that he’s not interested. Trying to be nice, whatever. So I pretty much accept it and deal with it. I mean it happens, right? People aren’t attracted to everyone, so it happens. No biggie. I’m disappointed, but not surprised.

So he gets to yawning a little, and I ask if he’s ready to go. He said yeah because of his 48 hours straight of work, he needed to stop off at the grocery store, grab some stuff for lunch tomorrow, then hit the hay. So we walk out, and we’re having that awkward conversation where like, you know that you want to get the fuck out of there, but how do you do it without seeming like an asshole? So we end up talking about our respective cars while the person next to me backs out.

Boring boring awkward boring.

So after the lady pulls out, I said, “Well, thank you for the dinner and drinks.”

Then, he leans in and gives me another huge hug and says, “You’re welcome. We definately need to go out again.”


I lean back, and look at him and go, “Really????” (Think of me saying: Fo’ realz, playa??? That’s how the “really” came out. No lie.)

He said, “Oh yeah. We’ll check our schedules and see what works out.”

I said, “Okay, will depend on your schedule it sounds like, since you’ve got a bunch going on the next month.”

He said, “Oh yeah, that’s right. Well, we’ll make something work.”

I am like.. still somewhat in shock. So I go, “Okay, well I can take you to a couple cool places downtown, or maybe an I-Cubs game or something.”

He said, “Sure, that sounds cool.”

I said, “Okay, well, I will talk to you later tonight, or if you’re asleep tomorrow sometime.”

He says, “Great, sounds good.”

We get into our cars and I am completely fucking baffled. BAFFLED. Every signal he was giving off during the date was NO INTERESTED. But then at the end, it was like he had a great time and wanted to do it again. WHAT THE HELL. I texted him, “Thanks again for dinner. It was unexpected and sweet.” He texts back, “Youre very welcome!”

Okay, so I have no fucking idea. Did he say we’d do something again just to get out of there unscathed? Was I reading his signals wrong? Maybe he was just nervous? I realize this will all come down to how he answers my texts tomorrow, or more to the point IF he answers them. I dunno, I may just ask him flat out if he wants to get together again or if he was just fucking around.

I’m so used to dates going really fucking amazing or really fucking in the toilet, so I am completely baffled by this one. BAFFLED. Again, I’ll prob figure it out tomorrow, but I had to write about it tonight because it was such a both side of the spectrum evening.



17 responses »

  1. Nikki…
    He sounds like a really nice guy 🙂 Very polite, and down to Earth….
    It also sounds like he has a very hectic life! So just be prepared if he isn’t always available. Good luck Nikki

    • We’ll see.. I liked him a bunch, I just hope there is a second date! That’s what I can’t figure out..

  2. I think you misread him. He does sound like a nice guy. Personally, I never talk about personal things on a 1st date. I think they are more to gauge if there is even an attraction and if the guy can carry on a decent conversation. A lot of people don’t feel comfortable discussing personal details at the beginning.

    I think he was honestly telling you about his nutty schedule because he wanted to see you again but didn’t want you to think he was blowing you off by not being able to figure out a date/time in the near future.

    Having (sadly) internet dated a lot (and I mean a LOT), it’s hard to read guys. I always err on giving them the benefit of the doubt though. I’m usually wrong, but what can ya’ do? 😉

    I bet you hear from him again ……….

    • I’m really hoping that’s the case. I’m sort of figuring I read his signals wrong because I’m so used to dating dickbags. 🙂 We’ll find out within the next couple days, I’m sure. Thanks for the support. Nice to know someone else can empathize 🙂

      • I can absolutely empathize as it’s really tough not to get jaded by all the dickheads online. 🙂 Stay positive!

      • Thanks so much! 🙂 I appreciate it 🙂 I’m trying! Hopefully it was just an off night for him!

  3. Do NOT text him tomorrow. I repeat: YOU do NOT text him. Let HIM text YOU first. You need to play the game here, Nikki.

  4. Dude it’s Game 6, he wanted to get home to watch the Bruins. Did you tell him you’re a sports nut? You could be at the bar watching the game together right now!

  5. I agree with Pete.
    Also, I think you misread him. Even reading your perspective of the events, I was thinking “I think she’s misreading him.” He sounds like a decent guy.

    • I’m seriously hoping thats it. I mean, I’m so used to the dates ending badly, I think I was just expecting that, so when things seemed to be headed that direction, I went with it. And then got shocked when it seemed like he had a good time. So I’m really hoping we go out again and hopefully both be a little peppier. And yeah, he seems to be a good guy.. really grounded.

  6. I say you let him tell you straight up if he’s interested or not. Try not to read into and don’t let us tell you- we are not inside his head. Maybe he was being nice saying he’d like to hangout again, maybe he means it maybe he doesn’t. Maybe he genuinely was tired and was losing interest in being awake- not losing interest in you.
    In the end maybe he just is not sure yet- it’s your 1st date. Maybe he wants to talk with you more, hangout with you again, and then decides and so should you. Maybe his flaws will show and you can be the one who loses interest. Do not always assume it’s him not interested in you.

    give it time. let him text/call you next and demand phone calls and not just simple text messages.

  7. Pingback: Should have listened « Eyes Up Here

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