Monthly Archives: May 2009

Real Time Update: Handshakes are a guy’s best friend!

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Hope everyone had a nice holiday weekend. Mine was full of shopping and planting. Whee! 2 things before I give updates:

1) Please please PLEASE don’t comment about my posts on here on my Facebook wall. A couple of the dudes that I’ve written about have added me as friends on Facebook, so even though their names on here are psuedonyms, the jobs/stories are 100% real, and they can tell that their being talked about. I’m not trying to hide this blog, and I won’t when/IF I start dating someone seriously. I just don’t want the guys to take this as malicious. its not meant to be. Although, seriously, they’ve been crazy, haven’t they? Hehehe. Anyways, if you have comments, either send them via email, facebook mail, or leave them on here. I’d appreciate it!!!

2) A shout out to Kori! She and her mom met up with my mom this past weekend and apparently my blog was mentioned. My mom is sort of clueless about this.. she thought they were talking about my regular facebook page. NOPE! You all know more about my dating life than my mom. Mainly because when I go out with a guy she gets all… questiony about it. “Who is he?” “what does he do?” like we’re destined to end up together. So yeah, I don’t introduce mom to too many guys early on. Anyways, thanks for the great words, Kori! I appreciate it! (Kori’s awesome, by the way, and has the most ADORABLE little girls…)

Okay, so 2 updates!

Went out for drinks with Steve on Thursday night. Well, here’s the scenario: I had sent Steve an email on Cupid (not a winkie!) that just said “Hey, thought you sounded interesting. let me know if you want to chat.” He emails me back saying, “Sure. Want to meet for drinks? I live near here, here and here.” I write back. “Sure, I am free these times…” He emails back, “Cool, what about Thursday?” I agree, and BAM! that was it.

I have NEVER gone out on a date with a guy that I had never met in person before, or talked to on the phone before. Even blind dates that friends have set me up on, I knew SOMETHING about them. Not Steve. My thought process was: Look where “getting to know someone” has led me so far! Nowhere. Exactly.

I had agreed earlier in the week to meet up with a friend of mine for drinks after work and I suggested the place I was meeting Steve. that way, I’m already there. (Smart girl, ain’t I?) She knows that I’m meeting Steve later on in the night, and calms me down by talking about some stuff. I have 1 beer while I am waiting for Steve to show. Okay, I had 2. Shush! This time, I had a slight case of nerves because I had never met Steve before. And for all I knew, his last name was Bundy and he liked to dance around at midnight on the soltice covered in chicken blood, eating KFC. (The again, honestly, who doesn’t?) Anyway, right before Steve goes to show up, she leaves.

Okay, here comes the inevitable tangent that always rears its head when I tell a story. Ask Eli. I always have a main story and then like 3 sub-stories. Sometimes the sub-stories are better. Okay, so sub-story. I sort of, kind of am familiar with the bartender at this bar. My friend Beth and I hang out here every once in awhile, and usually on Thursday nights. So I’m talking to him for a couple minutes and he goes to help these chicks who had sat down at the end of the bar. All of a sudden, I hear one of the girls say to the bartender: “Ask her about dinosaurs.” So, of course, he asks the 2nd girl about them.

Now, before I continue on, let me explain that these chicks are in their mid-20’s. They are not… well… they aren’t first graders. That being said, let’s recap. Girl #1 says, “Ask her about bartenders.” Bartender: “What about dinosaurs?”

Girl#2 says: I don’t believe they exist.

Right. Read that again:

Girl#2 says: I don’t believe they exist.

So of course, my attention is now 100% diverted from the Cubs game. The bartender says, “How can you not believe they exist?”
Girl #2: There’s no proof.
Bartender: uh.. THERE ARE BONES.
Girl #2: They aren’t real, though.
Bartender: Well then what are they?
Girl #2: I don’t know. I think the scientists carved them out of stone or something.
The bartender looks at me and says, “Are you getting this?”
Me: So, do you not believe in mummies? not like monster mummies, but like Egyptian mummies?
Girl #2: No. I think they are just stuffed pieces of old paper.
Girl #1: But get this, she believes in ghosts.
Bartender: So, you believe in something that we have no living proof of, but you don’t believe in something where we have millions of bones to back up the claim?
Girl #2: the bones are fake!
Me: I wish I could be a scientist. Just sit aruond and carve bones all day for thousands of dollars. Do you believe that we’ve actually landed on the moon?
Girl #2: Oh yeah. And I believe there are aliens, too.
Girl #1: WHAT?!
Girl #2: Well they HAVE to be real because how else do you explain all the people who have claimed to be abducted?

By now the bartender and I are laughing our asses off. To recap, she doesn’t believe mummies and dinosaurs are real. but there’s no question about ghosts and aliens.

I love random people.

Okay, so anyway, right about this time, Steve shows up. I recognized him immediately. He was cute, really short. Never dated a short guy before. So he orders a PBR and we start talking about the house he’s planning on buying, he talks to me about his work (he works at the same place as The teacher, by the way. How friggin’ weird is THAT?). The entire time, i can tell he’s not really feeling it. And honestly, I wasn’t either. We didn’t lack for conversation, but it wasn’t really.. interesting. Or stimulating. I asked him how many people he’d met from offline and he said, “Only 3. I’m not into this whole online thing, really.” Okay, soooo huh? He didn’t sound like he was looking to date at ALL, much less me. So yeah, I could tell he wasn’t interested. And that turned me off. After a 2nd PBR, he said, “Well, I gotta get going.” He hopped off his stool and stuck out his hand to shake mine. WE SHOOK HANDS GOODBYE. Like a business-type handshake, too. As in: “Thanks for the meeting. Let’s go over that budget schematic next Friday at noon, shall we? Call my secretary to set it up.” Sheesh.

As a 2nd aside, after he left, the two guys who were sitting on either side of us at the bar both started engaging me in conversation. One even bought me a drink. Hehehehe. i didn’t get eother’s number, though, because as i was getting ready to leave, one was in the bathroom and one had some friends who showed up & he was talking to them. DAMNIT! but the night ended on a good note!!

Okay, part 2. This is what I have written up to send to The Teacher. Let me know your thoughts.

Dear Teach,

I hope you had a nice weekend with your girls and your family. At least the weather held out until this afternoon! I spent mine visiting my folks, doing some shopping and getting my planting done. I haven’t had 2 straight days off in a row in a long time, so it was a nice break for me!

I can completely emapthize with being stressed out about school and work, and completely unhappy with where you’re at in life. Right now, I’m so OVER school. Even though I only have 8 months to go, I still can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. And then there’s the huge fear that I am doing this for nothing, that this degree will not get me anywhere. As for my job, its unfulfilling now, unsatisfying. And, like you, there’s not much I can do right now to change that, either. I am so thankful to have a job, I just wish it was one where I woke up in the morning, excited to go in. (Then again, who really has that job? Rock stars?)

So I just wanted to let you know I can understand all the weirdness that’s been going on with you. You just have to have faith you’ll get through it all, and that things work out like they should.

I do want to say though, that even though I can empathize, and that I know how much stress can consume someone, my feelings were a bit hurt when I called on Sunday and you didn’t answer the phone. I guess i didn’t understand why you’d tell me to call that night, and then not answer. And not answer in any way, shape or form until now… 3 weeks later. Just something about me, you can tell me “Hey, I can’t talk right now. Things are so stressful for me, I need some time to work them out.” and I would be 100% fine with that. Seriously. I wouldn’t push or anything. Because i KNOW how it goes… but I just would have appreciated a heads up, I guess. As it made it seem like there was something I did that was causing you to pull away.

that being said, when things calm down with you, are you still interested in meeting up sometime? We got along great on the phone, and we have so many similiar interests, I would be up for it if you were. no time table, of course, but.. just wondering.

Hope you’re well and I will talk to you later…

Me

Okay, thoughts? Honestly? Do I sound too.. weird? One thing, I am totally NOT going to sit around & wait for him, so don’t read the email that way. No worries on that. its just sort of a.. I’m not ready to write him off as a complete douchebag yet. But maybe I should?

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C.D. #5(?): Just when you think he disappeared into the night…

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So I received an email from The Teacher last night. Completely out of the blue. the guy had no red flags until he cancelled our date, told me to call him on a Sunday & then never picked up when I did? Yeah. So here’s his email in its entirety, and my thoughts afterwards:

From: The Teacher

Subject: Explanation

Ok, I have been scarce for a few weeks, and it’s only fair you have an explanation, so here goes.
As you know, I had interviewed for the position with [work] downtown and felt incredible after the interview.  I have always considered myself a pretty good judge of people, and felt like I totally connected with the hiring manager for this position.  And in connection with my instincts, she mentioned to be prepared to have a presentation put together for a second interview.  After all this, I’m thinking I have a very good shot to be back downtown in a week or so for a 2nd interview.  And, not to brag, but I am totally comfortable presenting to groups of people I don’t know.  I knew I would have to wait a week before I heard anything because I was one of the first people to interview.  The following Thursday, I had a voice mail from the HR person who was the contact person for this job.  I called her and she informed me “You won’t be moving forward in the interview process” after she said this, she went silent on the phone.  I didn’t know what to say, I was in shock she just stopped talking.  I pulled myself together and said, thank you for letting me know.  She then said if I wanted any feedback, to call the hiring manager.  At this point, I was still in shock and hung up the phone.  I had made the cardinal mistake and set myself up to be disappointed.  I had to regroup myself not only to get through the day, but I had to evaluate final projects at [school#1] the same night.  I went from disappointed to being angry, luckily it was close to the weekend, but one of my co-workers could tell I wasn’t in a great frame of mind.  I went back to work on Monday and started doing some informal digging regarding the job.  I discovered through Lotus Notes (some people display way too much information on their calendars) the final four people selected for 2nd interviews were all female.  Please note, I am not sexist in any way, and if I get out interviewed by a female, she deserves the job.  The other thing I found out was one of the final four had a pre-interview with the hiring manager before anyone even interviewed.  Of the four candidates, only two of them appeared to have any training experience based on their current positions, yet this was a key point brought up in the job description.  The final interviews were held on a Thursday, and the next day there was an opening for a trainer to replace the person who had the pre-interview.  I talked to a couple of people I know downtown, and they mentioned it was an inside job, this person was basically told to apply and she would get the job.  Yes, she would have to go through the interview process, but she would be viewed differently than the other candidates.  At this point, I was furious, but of course there was nothing I could do.  Then to throw into the mix, I had final grades to figure for two [school #1] classes, and started teaching at [school #2] the same week.  It was pretty much overload, and I didn’t handle it all too well.

To make things even better, I honestly can’t stand my job right now.  I work with intellectual idiots, who have nothing to do, yet I am managing a major project, developed an entire four module customer service class, revamping every procedure I am responsible for, and beginning a learning and performance review of the department I support.   My boss doesn’t know shit from a hole in the ground, yet everyone thinks she walks on water.  She is one of those people who knows just a small piece of something and she is suddenly and expert, yet she had no clue what a SWOT analysis was.  She micro-manages and it drives me crazy, and pisses me off.  Another one of the people I work with went to Mexico during the Swine Flu mess and got sick when she came back to the states, so she missed a week of work, and [work]’s policy was you had to use vacation to cover your absence because it wasn’t work related.  Yet, my boss didn’t feel the policy was fair and she should get company paid time off and not have to use her vacation.  My boss got shot down by corporate, but rather than make her take vacation for all her time, she sent work to her and claimed she worked for 7.75 hours to save her a day of vacation.  Her work at home consisted of creating sign in sheets for a some training classes we had last week.  The whole thing about this mess, was she wasn’t released from her doctor and shouldn’t have been working from home.  But when your the pet, you get special treatment.  The other guy in the department doesn’t have anything to do other than piddly projects amounting to nothing.  I don’t know how he stays busy for the entire day, yet he about drives me crazy in the morning.  I like going in at seven so I can not be bothered, yet he wants to chit-chat every day.  I am usually pretty productive because the phone doesn’t ring and the e-mails aren’t flying.  Throw in the fact between 4:30 and 5:00 I am supposed to be alone, and every night someone stays until 5:00 or shortly before.  I enjoy those quiet times because I get so much done, because I can think and there is no one around, yet every night there is someone there.

Add to all of this, I am not liking teaching right now.  My Monday night class only cares about how early they can get out each week, and their homework is pathetic.  The Masters class on Wednesday which should be a blast is a drag.  There are three ladies who would rather talk amongst themselves during the lectures, and don’t get excited about anything, except for playing on the Internet on their laptops.  Two of them can’t seem to turn homework in on time, yet can have excuses why they can’t get something done in a weeks time.  This class doesn’t want to get engaged in learning, they seem to want everything to be easy for them, and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve told them grad school is not easy.  So, it comes down to, why did I take the extra teaching on, I dread going to class two nights a week.  I come home and look at my yard and it needs mowed, yet I am busy M-W every week, and finally can mow on Thursday when it’s a jungle because of all the rain.  I have work to get done on the siding on my house before the end of the week before the painters start on Memorial Day, yet when I’m off on the weekends, I have 20 other things to do.

As for the job, I would love to find another job, but it’s just not happening.  Everything at [work] right now is pretty much in the bag for the 70 people they laid off downtown when they consolidated two divisions.  The only jobs these people won’t take are the entry level jobs which NW ends up going outside the company to hire.  Or, they are jobs which I’m not qualified for based on my experience.  I’ve looked pretty much everywhere, and there is nothing out there.  I even looked at [Company], but when I applied there before I was always rejected even for jobs I was over-qualified for.  I would love to get back into management, and actually miss it alot, but I don’t foresee this happening anytime soon.  I loved working in retail, but with my situation, I can’t go back to it.  Training jobs are few and far between, and pretty much everything appears to be filled by internal candidates.  I am pretty much stuck where I’m at unless there is a miracle job out there, or I win the lottery.  I’ve applied a few places and gotten some nice rejection letters via e-mail.  I always love those, especially when you have all the qualifications they want, yet you still can’t get an interview.

Anyhow, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.  Hope this somewhat explains why I’ve been so scarce.
Take care,
Teacher
BTW – I found out about this great website from a trainer who visited us and did some training – www.creditkarma.com. You can check one of your credit scores for free, no obligations.  Mortgage people tend to get excited about stuff like this :)!
So…………………………………
Here are my thoughts, in no particular order.

1) I know I talked about the Pilot complaining all the time, and after reading this email, I’m sure that everything thinks this dude does, too. But actually, this is the first I’ve ever seen him like this. In all of our talks, our emails, IM’s, he’s always been really upbeat & peppy, even about his stupid students. So obviously, these situations really got to him.

2) The entire time I read this, I was waiting to come upon the apology. The apology for having blown me off when I didn’t deserve it.  The apology for not having been in contact with me to say “Hey, I’m still in a shitty mood, I don’t mean to be ignoring you…” I don’t see it, do you?

3) I’m going to email him back. I know some people will think I shouldn’t, but i can’t not respond. Its not my nature to be the asshole that doesn’t answer emails. So now.. how do I respond??? That’s where I need help. Part of me wants to forgive him his dickishness, since I have been there myself (actually, i am currently there. My job is unsatisfying and my school is driving me apeshit) so I know what he’s going through. And we did have such great, funny chats/emails/etc. But.. he didn’t make any sort of overture alluding that he wanted to reschedule everything. So… do I nudge him subtlely? Do I just say fuck it & walk away and always wonder? Do I give it a try and see if he bites? I have no fucking idea.

So………………….. some help would be appreciated 🙂 because, again, i am going to write him back. I just don’t know what to say.

Real time update: I have a date for “drinks” on Thursday night with some other guy. have only seen 1 picture of this guy, never talked to him on the phone, have only exchanged 2 emails with him, which consisted of MAYBE 6 lines total. I figured in depth-conversation & long ass emails haven’t got me anywhere so far, so let’s do a REAL blind date & see how it goes. Why not? Update on that will be posted after.

PS: Sorry about the spacing weirdness. WordPress is being a bitch tonight.

C.D. #4: Should I or Shouldn’t I? (con’t)

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So here’s the conversation pilot and I had tonight (sorry about the length):

Pilot: blah blah you were quiet today
me: busy. our month end finals went out
Pilot: ohhhh i see…
Pilot: thats where all our bailout money went
me: uh, no
me: so whats up
Pilot: nothing
Pilot: just bored
me: ahh. that sucks
Pilot: story of my life
me: it cant be that bad
Pilot: little do you know
me: what does that mean?
Pilot: little do you know how bad my life is
me: well, youre not dead, youre not sick, you have a roof over your head, youre going to school to do something you enjoy.. thats not that bad.
Pilot: yeah but…… there’s alot you dont know
me: like what? youre a drug dealer?
Pilot: no
Pilot: just bullshit with people from my past
me: like what
Pilot: ex girlfriend starting shit, a bunch of bill collectors comming after me for things i co-signed for exgirlfriends
me: why would you do that?
Pilot: ummm because i’m too nice of aperson
me: i dunno if nice is the word i would use in that instance *heh*
me: dont ever cosign loans!
me: unless youre married
me: just a tip
Pilot: yeah i know
Pilot: hell i dont have the credit to co-sign anything anymore
me: thats not good.
Pilot: what i think th elast time i checked it was about 425
me: oh jesus.
Pilot: see told you my credit sucks
Pilot: got another notice today im getting sued (laughs)
me: I guess I dont see how thats anythign to laugh about?
Pilot: i just dont care anymore… whats the point
Pilot: i’ve been living on 1/2 a paycheck for the last 3 yrs because of getting screwed so…..
Pilot: im kinda used to it
me: yeah but that doesnt mean its a good thing. you should try and change that
Pilot: i’d love to but what can i do
Pilot: im too proud to file for bankruptcy
me: so youd rather get deeper in debt and have a shitty credit score that will keep you from getting anything of value?
Pilot: what can i do?
Pilot: besides… filing for bankrputcy takes money
Pilot: and i dont know how it’ll effect student loans
me: you need to get a less expensive hobby, would be my suggestion. until you can get on your feet.
Pilot: well what am i supposed to do about school?
Pilot: i have to fly for classes
me: you told me a couple days ago you werent sure that was what you wanted to do
Pilot: yeah but… if i give up then i lose the money i have invested
me: yeah but yo ualso wont get yourself 30,000 in debt with a plane, too.
Pilot: yeah but technically that will save me money in the long run
me: is the long run more important than getting your stuff together now?
Pilot: ????????????
Pilot: prob would help if i actually started to date someone who was employed
me: how so?
Pilot: well just for the simple fact that i wouldn’t have to pay for everything all the time
me: yeah but you’d… at leats have to pay for yourself
me: which is what youre doing now, right?
me: so hows that different?
Pilot: thats true and im fine right now other
Pilot: other then all the bullshit of dealing with debt collectors
me: well thats what I’m saying. you gotta get that taken care of before you can concentrate on making money in the future.
me: not to preach to you or anything.. i just think you gotta pay more attention to your situation now, instead of just saying “oh well”
me: cuz ive been there before, and its not pretty.
Pilot: well there isn’t anything i can do really
Pilot: if that makes sense
Pilot: dont have 1200 to file for bankrputcy
Pilot: and if i do… not sure how that will effect my student loans
me: not really. i mean, like i said, a less expensive hobby… i know you love flying, but maybe you should put that on the back burner for awhile
Pilot: or the ability to get them for the next few years
me: what about changing your major? so long as youre in school, student loans wont come due
Pilot: nothing wrong wth my major now… i can afford to pay for renting a plane…
Pilot: just feel like im throwing the money away at 100/hr
Pilot: if i rent for 200 hrs thats enough to buy my own plane
me: 100 bucks an hour, thats what im saying.
me: you can afford that?
Pilot: yes
Pilot: i usually fly between 15 and 20 hrs a month
me: does that come from student loans? or out of pocket?
Pilot: out of pocket
Pilot: well at least till i can get more student loans
Pilot: which will be auguest
me: sooo okay. i admit i hate math, but.. how can you afford 2000 to fly, but not 1200 for bankruptcy?
Pilot: because i have to fly for school
me: but im saying…
me: wait
me: i guess… i dunno.
me: dont chase this dream if its going to break your bank. i mean, doing it in a couple years, once youre on your feet, then great! but youre getting yourself so farin debt, its scary. like i said, i know, i been there
Pilot: well i gotta do something
Pilot: because im not making anything for money right now
me: well thats why i said maybe switch majors.. do something where you can work at the same time
me: and then once everything gets back to normal, start up flying again?
Pilot: well i would work right now
Pilot: but… whats the point if im going to get 1/2 my check taken anyway
me: for what?
Pilot: the judgements for loans i got sued for
me: how much do you have to pay on them?
Pilot: umm they usually take 50% of my check between child support and judgements
me: how long until your judgement is paid off?
Pilot: few years
Pilot: already been paying for 3 yrs
me: ouch.
me: hmmm
Pilot: yeah so like i said… i figure im up a shit creek without a paddle for the time being
me: wel until you take steps to change it, yeah
Pilot: and i’ve tried but it keeps going back to the same
me: well its gotta get better eventually

This dude is seriously… not… datable.

C.D. #4: Should I or shouldn’t I?

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So I have a date planned with the pilot this upcoming weekend. I am rethinking it. Why? Because of the following Yahoo conversation we had tonight:

Pilot: why do i feel like nothing is ever going to get better tonight

me: wtf you talking about?

Pilot: just everything that is fucked up in my life

Pilot: just have a reall bad gut feeling

me: ooooookay?

Pilot: i dont know… just have had a really bad gut feeling all day i dont know why

me: hmmm okay then maybe we shouldnt meet this weekend

Pilot: ?

Pilot: it’s not you… i just cant figure out why i’ve got the feeling that i do…..

me: well if youve got a bad feeling, i dont wanna get caught up in your bad karma 😉

Pilot: ????

me: what? what dont you understand?

Pilot: i dont know…

me: if you just arent up to it, we dont have to go out this weekend…

Pilot: i shouldn’t have said anything

Pilot: it’s not that… i just really cant put my finger on what im feeling, i just feel like something bad is going to happen tomorrow

me: maybe you shouldnbt fly then

me: ?

Pilot: i dont know

me: well, wake up tomorrow and see how you feel

me: if you still feel anxious about it, then dont do it

Pilot: i just feel like im doing nothing twords anything anymore i really think htats it

me: but youre working towards your license…how is that nothing?

Pilot: yeah but it’s taking way too much time

me: well it cant speed up any.. its school

Pilot: yes it can if i had money i could fly every day and be done before the end of the summer

Pilot: then i could go to work and make money

me: well you can only work with what youve got

Pilot: yeah and it sucks

me: its life

Pilot: im just frusterated with it honestly

me: i hear ya, i am too. im in week 10 of 11, and sooooooooooo looking forward to 2 weeks off

Pilot: i just started my summer semester last wednesday

me: i know haha

me: SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Pilot: it’s driving me fucking nuts

me: lets talk about somethign else

me: you’ll deal. it’ll pass

Pilot: i really wish i could have just gotten the loan to go to DCA or ATP

me: yeah but you didnt sooooooooo you just have to deal with what youve got

me: and dont let it get you down

Pilot: i know im just getting frusterated with it all… not enough money to fly as much as i want to

Pilot: that and i cant find a fucking safety pilot  to help me

me: i know, but you gotta deal.

Pilot: god if i could find one it’d save me so much money

me: yep, well *shrug* dunno what to tell ya

me: sooooooooooooooooooooooo OKAY

me: lets talk about somethign more.. promising

Pilot: such as?

me: our date this weekend!

me: it will be better than sittnig around thinking about safety pilots or something

Pilot: see the problem is… i have to have 40 hrs of instrument time

Pilot: i can do 25 of those with a safety pilot

me: okay you know what? nevermind then.. we’ll talk about flying some more.

me: heheh

me: 😀

Pilot: nevermind i’ll shut up

me: you know, if thats what you want to talk about then we can talk about it

me: i just figured that since youre in a crabby mood, talking about the thing that make syou crabby probably isnt what you want to do

me: but i was wrong

me: so its okay

me: keep talking

me: whatever you want to chat about… im cool

Pilot: no that isn’t it…. i just dont know what to do

me: about what? you’re goin to school to finish your education

Pilot: i know that just frusterated with it

me: ok

me: well it will figure itself out

Pilot: and i know that…. just GRRRRR why me: *shrug*

Pilot: it’d prob help if i bought the text books im supposed to have for this class too

me: yep.

Pilot: im just too poor to do it

me: go online, can find textbooks for cheaper

Pilot: not these

Pilot: i’ve tried

Pilot: hell they go for more in ebay then i can get them at a bookstore for

me: well if you want to pass, then get the books

me: ugh

Pilot: ugh?

me: i still need to finish some homework

me: turn it in before midnight

Pilot: well get on it… jeeze

Pilot: bum

Pilot: you sound like me last semester with my essays i had to write

me: no, im almost done

me: just have a question out to the professor that im waiting for an answer on

Pilot: i’ve got a few of those because some answers on the final exam were wrong

Pilot: but i wont get an answer till at least tomorrow

me: well if i dont get an answer by 1030, then im just going to turn the assignment in

Pilot: jeeze… why is it i had like 5 people lined up that said they’d do it before i got my license… and now they bail on me….

Pilot: i swear to god i’m to the point of trusting NO ONE

me: do what

Pilot: Fly as a safety pilot….

me: ok

You have a guy here that is so not interested in anything but complaining. I mean, he wouldn’t even attempt to talk about anything else. Even when I tried to lighten the mood. So my question is, am I overreacting? People have bad days, I know that. But… something about this whole conversation just makes my eyes roll. My worry is that I am projecting all my shitty dates onto this guy and reading too much into things.

So… should I or shouldn’t I? Thoughts?

(Oh, and the teacher has now been MIA for 2 weeks. God, seriously? Boys are really starting to make me mad!)

An Open Letter (Burning Question?)To Boys…

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First, a couple of real time updates:

1. Saturday date with Teacher didn’t happen. I got a text on Friday evening that said: “hey, can we reschedule for sat? it has been a couple of shitty days and I wouldn’t b good company. Just give me a call on Sunday.’ Its so weird because somehow I KNEW that the date wouldn’t happen. I just.. wasn’t all excited about it, really, and I think its because somewhere in the dark recesses of my mind (you know, the place where your admittance that you actually LIKE watching the “…Of Love” shows in VH1 lies) I knew something would screw it up. Teacher had been really quiet the past week. He had finals for one class he was teaching and classes at the other school were beginning last week. I figured it was probably stress that kept him so quiet. So, no big deal that it was called off. Again, I KNEW it would be. However, it IS a BIG DEAL when I call on Sunday, at the normal time (9pm) and he DOESN’T ANSWER. I leave a message, “Hey Teacher, its Me. You told me to call, so I’m calling. Hope everything is okay. I’ll be up for the next couple of hours, so if you get some free time, give me a call back.” And guess what? No text, no call, no email, no nothing. (This leads into my ultimate reason for the blog post below…) As horrible as it sounds, I seriously hope something’s wrong. Because it pisses me off to no end when people tell you to call, or KNOW you’re going to call/text at a certain time, and then just ignore you. Don’t mind me, I’m just a crabby female.

2. Plane Guy is still hanging around. I don’t know. He seems really nice, but.. there’s something there I can’t shake. I do think it’s the low self-esteem thing. Again, he sends me a message: Hey, want to see a bad picture of me? I said: So when do I get to see a GOOD picture of you? Everything is “bad.” Or he’s too “fat.” Or people aren’t rating his picture high enough. (Although, he did get an 8 from a dude and was overly pissed about it. My thinking is: If a gay guy thinks you’re an 8, you should be honored, cuz them bitches are PICK-AY.) Again, I don’t know if I have the time and energy to be constantly reassuring someone they are good enough. I suppose I shouldn’t pass judgment on someone I haven’t even talked to on the phone yet, but I’ve dealt with people like that before. Woe is me gets tiring after awhile. Maybe I should meet him and see how he is in person. Again, no real red flags other than that. And he seems really into me, which.. we all know how that has worked out in the past…

Now for the real blog post:

Dear Boys,
What is up with the no call, no text, no show? Why tell me “call on Sunday” when you have no intentions on answering? Why tell me to text what time I’m going to see Wolverine on Sunday, if you have no intention on texting back or not showing?  This is the conversation I had with two of my male friends about this very subject today:
me: why do guys tell you to call, or tell you to get in touch with them and then don’t answer/respond back?

Friend That Is A Boy #1: cause we lie

me: but there’s no REASON to lie, thats what im saying. he tells me to call at a certain time, I do, no answer.

FTIAB1: one of my best friends in ottawa lies to me for no reason. i’ll ask him what he did that day, and he’ll tell me he was babysitting, when in reality he was with his gf, even though i couldnt care less. guys lie

me: but WHY. what purpose does it serve?

FTIAB1: none, but we still lie. think of it as more of a formality. he’ll say “call me etc” as more of a conversation closer than an actual request

me: so what goes through your mind, then, when you look at caller ID, see that its me calling, like you told me to?

FTIAB1: well, if he really was lying, then he’s just ignoring you. otherwise, he could just be busy. plus some guys go with a 3-day rule… where they don’t return a call or call a girl after a date until the 3rd day following

me: that is just retarded. i thought that was just a movie thing.

FTIAB1: nope, tried and true

me: yeah but busy at the time would mean he would return the call, right?

FTIAB1: yes. in 3 days

me:

FTIAB1: OR he’s not interested

me: so why not just tell me hes not interested?

FTIAB1: cause he doesn’t have balls. simply ignoring and letting it pass is easier when you dont have testicles

me: Boys are stupid

FTIAB1: ya we are

Conversation #2:

me: So let’s have a semi-serious discussion about something…

Friend that is a boy #2: ok what’s up?

me: why do guys tell you to call, or tell you to get in touch with them and then don’t answer/respond back?

FTIAB2: because they are being ‘nice’ even though they are being anything but

me: I dont get that. Why tell me to call Sunday night and then not answer the phone? Why tell me to text you what time I’m going to the movie, and then not text back? what purpose does that serve?

FTIAB2: it puts off a ‘confrontation’ and it’s stupid

me: but its not a confrontation. Its.. common courtesy. Especially if all you do is text ‘sorry, can’t go, something came up’ or ‘i dont think its going to work out’ its not like you have to tell me in person, but TELLING me would be nice. i dont get it.

FTIAB2: I agree, but I’m just telling you why not that it makes sense, it doesn’t

That’s right, IT DOESN’T. No one has a good answer for me on this. NO ONE. Its not even about avoiding confrontation, really. Its about avoiding altogether. Guess what? If I’m not important enough for you to respond to, then TELL ME and I will CEASE TO EXIST IN YOUR WORLD. I will go away and we will never have to cross paths again. However, if you just leave it hanging there.. what good does that do? Seriously? I’m a GIRL. I LIKE TO KNOW THINGS. I don’t like being KEPT IN THE DARK.

Am I the only person who feels this way? That its disrespectful to not answer calls/texts from people you TOLD to call/text you about certain things? Maybe I’m just a bit crabby because of my recent dating luck, but dammit, I STILL WANT TO KNOW WHENPEOPLE DON’T LIKE ME SO I CAN QUIT TRYING TO LIKE THEM , TOO.

I think my next open letter will be an offshoot on this one focusing on why the only people who DO respond to texts and calls are the ones who stalk people and pat girls on the head when they “try” and talk about sports.

I can’t win, unfortunately.

C.D. #2: An Unexpected Turn of Events, Part 3

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So now we’re on Wednesday…

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And Wednesday brought an unexpected turn of events…

The morning started off okay. I was tired OFF MY ASS, but I was extremely giddy. Who wouldn’t be after the awesomeness that was that date?!? I sent Jay a text message in the morning that said, “Thanks again for last night. Had a great time!” And happily went about my work. At around 10, I got a text back from him that says, “Overslept this morning. Heading into work.” Poor thing. Well we WERE up quite late the night before. Yes, yes, yes. At around 11:30, I thought, ‘Screw this. I’m not getting anything done today and I am tired OFF MY ASS (see above), so I am heading home.” Told my boss I was taking 4 hours PTO and texted jay, ‘Don’t laugh, but I’m going home to take a nap!’

Went home, fell asleep and woke up around 4pm. Sent Jay a text, ‘Naps are great!’ He texted back, ‘In a class. Didn’t want to text and wake you up.’ I texted back, ‘Thanks! Wide awake now!’  He texts back…

Wait.

No, he didn’t.

I didn’t think anything of it. Stuck in a work related class. Boring. And hard to goof off doing anything else. So I didn’t hear anything else from him on Wednesday.

Thursday rolls around:

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Got busy with work and around noon realized I hadn’t heard from Jay all morning, which was really weird for us. Sent him a text saying, ‘Busy day for me! Hope you are well!’ He texts back…

Wait.

No, he didn’t.

Until 10:30pm when I get: “Memphis is fucking up your brackets.” (I had picked Memphis to win the NCAA tournament, and this was the night they lost.) I text back, “Son of a bitch! Seriously?” (because I wasn’t watching the game.) He texts back…

Wait.

No, he didn’t.

That was the last time I heard from Jay. The VERY LAST TIME. I didn’t text him, email him or call him at all until the following Sunday night:

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I sent him an email that said the following:

I hope your concert today was a good time. For some reason I was thinking it was an outdoors one (?) and was glad that Sunday ended up not being as rainy as the weather people predicted it to be. My dinner party was great. Ended up making a tomato, avacado salad with a nice vinagrette dressing. The pork was delicious, and my card playing was even better! 🙂

So, here’s the real reason for this email: Are you interested in going out again? I know last week we both agreed that there would definately need to be a 2nd date, but I just wanted to make sure things hadn’t changed at all. Because if not, I guess I am formally asking you out on a 2nd date, since you were nice enough to ask me out on our 1st. I figured we could just do something simple. We both like to cook, so what about just cooking dinner at my place or yours and just watching a couple of DVDs? (Boondock Saints? Audition?)  Or if you’d rather go out someplace, that Haunting in Conneticut movie is out, we could see that. Its just a thought.

I know your schedule is really busy, so it doesn’t have to be this week or anything. Just trying to get an idea of when you’d be free in the next couple weeks. We could do it on a week night, too, if that would work out better. I’m usually free Tues, Weds & Thurs nights.

I guess all this is dependent on whether or not you’re still interested. So if you are, let me know and we’ll figure out a time to get together. If not… hmmm… I guess “bummer” would be the word I would use, as I had a great time last week.

Hope to hear from you soon either way…

Me

He emails back…

Wait.

No, he didn’t.

I will be 100% honest and say that I was seriously CRUSHED. My feelings were hurt, I began to doubt myself, and replayed the entire date in my mind to see if there were subtle signs I should’ve been picking up that he wasn’t interested. But guess what? THOSE SIGNS WEREN’T FUCKING THERE. I misread NOTHING. Even my guy friends were fucking baffled. They ALL told me, “You don’t do that shit with a girl you’re not interested in.” I had this actual conversation with one:

Friend: Well that’s weird.

Me: I KNOW. Did I totally misread things?

Him: No. Well.. maybe he was just looking to get some from you or something.

Me: We discussed it ahead of time, no sex on the first date. Although, seriously, there was a time that night where, if he would’ve asked, I would have caved.

Him: Yeah, well, and besides, I have some girls I just wanna have as booty calls, and even though I don’t wanna date them, I still wanna do them, so I call them every so often. Say hi, ask how they’re doing. Have to keep the stable happy, ya know?

Me: Nice.

Yeah, I have some… enlightening friends. HAHAHA.

So as the week progresses, I’m just more and more bummed. I mean we seriously had a connection. I could FEEL it. I’m still not sure if it all came across in parts 1 & 2, but besides the physical connection, there was a huge mental connection, too. Did I mention our first phone call lasted SEVEN FUCKING HOURS? So, yeah. My friends keep telling me “Well maybe he was in a car accident or something.” Well if he was, he was still logging on to cupid, the fucker.

Soooooooooooooooooo I was feeling pretty low about myself after that date, and THAT is why I decided to go on a date with Ron the Tool. To make myself feel better. And all I apparently did was get pissed off even more. So BAH! BAH, I SAY! FUCK YOU, JAY. FUCK. YOU. JAY. YOU FEELING HURTER, YOU! YOU LEADER ONNER, YOU! BAH!

So now I’m even MORE wary of dating someone on that goddamned site. BUT I have 11 paid months still. So I’ll keep on plugging along.

Quick real time updates:

1)    I have a date scheduled with a guy for this Saturday night. We talked about it Sunday and will hopefully cement plans tonight. He’s cute, a teacher, seems grounded, owns a house, drives a car… something’s gotta be wrong with him. Maybe a post-op tranny.

2)    There’s another guy has asked me out. He has his pilots license and is studying to become a commercial airline pilot. He seems really nice, though he keeps dogging himself on his looks/weight (6’1, 230). I can’t handle people with low self-esteems. I work hard to keep myself happy, I dunno if I have enough strength to be constantly reassuring someone else, too. We’ll see though. No red flag yet.

3)    I went shopping at Merle Hay Mall last night looking for some retail therapy and trying to find a new shirt to wear Saturday night. I was about 50 feet from the AT&T store there when I stopped, mildly horrified. I had COMPLETELY forgotten that Jay worked there. I never shop at Merle Hay (I rarely shop at the mall anyway. TARGET! HOLLA!), so it was just total random coincidence I was there. But I just KNEW, I KNEW, the ONE TIME I am at this goddamned mall, Jay would be working. I stood for a second, took a deep breath and walked by the store, glancing in. Yep. He was there.

And my feelings were hurt all over again.