The Dating Game

So in spite of the weirdo that freaked out on me a couple week ago, I’ve been talking with a few other dudes. And surprisingly enough, they don’t seem like complete psychos. HOWEVER, as everyone has seen (hello, premise of my blog!), my judgment isn’t exactly spot on. That being said, I am going to list out the potential bachelors below, and let you all judge them prior to me actually going on dates.

Here goes:

Bachelor #1:
Location: Within 5 miles
Profession: Mechanic
In his own words: I am looking for an honest down to earth woman who likes to be treated right. I am very respectable and hope to find someone who I can share many great times with and be there when times are not so great. I am great with children as I have three of my own. They do not live with me, however I do take care of them.
Pros (as I see them): He always texts me “Good morning!” and always sends me a “How are you?” text on his dinner break (he works 2nd shift). I think that’s sweet!
Cons (as I see them): 3 kids is a lot to walk into…

Bachelor #2:
Location: Within 30 miles
Profession: Student (Healthcare Field)
In his own words: I’m truely a good person and a very nice guy. Although I’ve had my share of heartbreak, I’m still honest, compassionate, caring, attentive, focused, goal oriented, and I have a great sense of humor, so don’t be surprised if I cause you to laugh out loud at times. I know what I want out of life and am actively going after it. I work out often and enjoy traveling, picnicing, bbq’ing and just being outside. Now that it’s chilly out I’m always up for a good movie. Although quite busy at times, I’d really enjoy slowing down to spend time with a special someone.
Pros (as I see them): He seems very funny and very grounded. I like the fact he’s back in school at a later age. I did that, so I can understand what he’s going through.
Cons (as I see them): He isn’t the quickest on responding to emails. Not sure if its a lack of interest or time.

Bachelor #3:
Location: Within 100 miles
Profession: Chiropractor
In his own words: I am passionate about giving my time to better my community for the present and the future generations. Leisure time? Rare commodity in my world, but I enjoy working on the family farm when during the proper season, spending time with family, heading to the gym, and having good conversation in all kinds of environments
Pros (as I see them): A doctor? Well DUH! Plus I like that he seems to care about giving back. Shows he’s not a selfish douchebag. (or canoe, as my friends are now all saying!)
Cons (as I see them): The distance might be a problem, and lack of free time would be an issue (however, if we click, I would hope that free time would be made)

Bachelor #4:
Location: Within 175 miles
Profession: Law enforcement
In his own words: Honesty is very important. [I enjoy] Being outside at all types of sporting events. From kids to professional. Riding motorcycles and wheelers. Going to the woods to hunt or just take in all the beauty of nature.
Pros (as I see them): Law enforcement seems really interesting to me. Plus he likes sports. I LOVE sporting events, so having someone to share that with would be a plus.
Cons (as I see them): Again, the distance. Plus, he is 40, and I’m not sure if I’m willing to go that high in age. And he doesn’t have a picture posted, so that makes me a bit nervous.

So there you have it, as it stands now. I’ll be honest, I’m not like OMG OMG OMG about any of them. And I’m going to chalk that up to the fact that I haven’t talked to them very long and I’ve actually learned (ha ha!) not to jump to conclusions about anyone. So I think I’m starting to get cautious. (Oh no! Does that signal the end of freaky ass dates for my blog?? Yeah. Riiiiiiiiiiiight.)

So what do people think of these dudes? (And I didn’t post their pics for a reason… but all of them are good looking.. well except for #4, no idea on him.) I’m not committing to anything with any of them, but these are the 4 that have expressed more than a passing interest in me at the moment.

And who don’t know that I am a hideous “plan changer” yet!! Heheh.

OMFG… FREAK

Okay so there was a guy I met and was talking to a little bit last week and he seemed pretty cool. We had a decent chat. He was telling me that he’s tired of getting girl’s numbers and then finding out all they want is a friend they can talk to or text. He’s actually looking to get into a serious relationship. I said, hey, guess what, so am I! So he was asking when I was free, and I told him (I swear to God I told him this…) that I wasn’t free until next (this) Wednesday. I had plans all weekend long, every day, and had plans for Monday & Tuesday. He told me that he was hoping that I had the weekend free because he wanted to go to The Lumberyard with me, and its usually busier on the weekend. (The Lumberyard is a strip club here in town.)

I said, “Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh”
He says, “HAHAHA I’m just kidding!”

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I decide to blow it off because some people DO have that sarcastic sense of humor (myself included). So we agree on Wednesday of the following week. I KNOW we agree on Wednesday…

So that was last Wednesday night. Seriously. LAST WEDNESDAY. Never heard from him again, so I figured, okay, whatever, no big loss right?

Wrong.

I get a text from him today.

And the texts that follow are word for word what was sent:

Him: Still on for tonight?

Me: You told me Weds becuz you travel early in the week for work.

Him: ummm other way around.

Me: I know I didn’t agree to tonite becuz I’ve had plans sched tonite for like 2 wks. I swear it was Weds. Hmmm where are u at? I could prob meet for 1 drink.

Him: wow…anyways…a suggestion to you..if you really don’t want to meet up with someone…then be straight up..dont lead them on..good luck being single..its going to be a long lonely life for you not being honest w ppl

WTF??? Seriously???

I wrote back: Dude, chill, I swear it was weds we made plans. My plans tonite aren’t until 6 so we could prob meet up for 1 drink

Him: I will be home then for xmas..i will be at lumberyard checking out nude chicks..i will meet you there

What a class act, eh?

Then he says: Just kidding. Let’s meet at “The Bar” for a drink then.

I agree. I seriously wanted to be home by like 5:00 but noooooooooooooooooo he wants to meet me at 4:30. Okay FINE, I can play along. I mean, up until today, every time we talked & stuff, it was cool.

So I show up at this dive ass bar. Like I honestly was nervous to be there by myself. And I am usually at home pretty much anyplace I go. No, this place was so skeevy. I took a stool at the end of the bar, ordered my Bud Light and waited. And waited. 4:30 came and went.

I texted my friend: Okay, he isnt here yet. How long do I give him before I leave? 1 more beer.

I get a text from him at 4:41: Hey… just looked in my atm and I really don’t have the funds in my account to drink.

Drinks were $2.00 people.

Me: Interesting. Well then I guess I’ll finish my beer and go home then.

I finish my beer and I just sit there for a minute. Like, I seriously cannot believe it. After all that…

Oh, but it gets better. Then I get:

Him: Andd the other part of it is im really not a big fan of plan changers…sketchy people.

Just let that sink in for a moment.

This is what I wrote: I explained what happened. It was a misunderstanding. If you dont believe it, thats your perogative, but I agreed to meet even tho i have plans, and I showed up. So just realize that. That Im here.

What I should have wrote: Listen assbag, I’m here and you’re not. So WHO is the plan changer? It must be nice living in this perfect world where everything goes your way all the time and where all the drinks are free because your broke ass can’t afford a $2 bottle. Its too bad I live in REALITY where dickbags like you have the pleasure of meeting awesomeness like me. A suggestion to you… if you’re not interested in meeting up with someone even after you’ve bitched them out for no absolute reason, at least be a man about it and admit that you’re nowhere good enough for me and are intimidated by the fact that I have my shit together and that you’ll never be anything more than a piece of cat shit that a dog has eaten and then thrown up.

But I didn’t because it was too long to type on my Blackberry keypad.

You oughta be in pictures!

No real news to report (although I have a date pending on the horizon, so stay tuned!), so I thought I would hand out some advice to all the potential male online daters out there. Especially when it comes to pictures. People can say all the want about personality and sense of humor, but let’s be honest… if you’re not attracted to someone on some level, then there’s no way you’re going react in a “dating” setting. (This holds true for a bar scenario or online dating site) Friendship is totally different, mind you. We’re just focusing on relationships…

So, guys, seriously.. here are some major don’ts when it comes to posting pictures on your dating profile.

1) Random girl in your picture

Okay, look, I don’t care if she’s your sister, your cousin, your ex, your MOM… don’t post a picture with a chick in it. Especially if you’re all cozied up. No potential girlfriend wants to see that, trust me. Use some photoshop and cut her out, if you need to. And as for the bar over her eyes… you obviously don’t want us to see her, so WHY ARE YOU POSTING A PIC OF HER??

2) Shirtless pictures

For realz, playa? This is how you want to advertise yourself? Really? Pictures like this totally creep me out. So.. skeevy. I guess that’s the right word. I would imagine these are people who also post on Craigslist for “Casual Encounters.” It also tells me 3 things: 1) Okay, you’re built; 2) You’re a douchebag; 3) You think WAY too highly of yourself. And we all know that 2 + 3 > 1. Simple math, kids.

3) Picture doesn’t show your face

Ummmm… so you’ve signed up for a dating site and you’re trying to basically self yourself to people, and the best picture you can find of yourself is one that doesn’t show your face at ALL? Wtf? Okay, so you like to skydive, yay! And you can’t find the flash on your camera phone, yay? Looks aren’t everything, but when your purposely choose pics that don’t show your face, then um.. BIG RED FLAG!!!

4) Pictures that don’t show a person at ALL

Hi. Not interested in dating an electronic device. Some of us women do that now. That’s WHY WE’RE ON A DATING SITE, DUDE.

5) Pictures that are obviously 5+ years old

And remember 1992 guy:

I’m sorry, but I refuse to believe that you don’t have a recent picture anywhere. And I’m also sorry that you looked better 5-10 years ago, but hey, most of us did, too. And guess why women are always disappointed when they meet you? BECAUSE YOU’RE A BIG FAT PICTURE LIAR! Now if I had a Delorian that went ran on 1.21 jiggawatts of power, then maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaybe we’d stand a chance. but sorry, man. I live in the NOW.

6) Finally, the WTF, THIS is the best you could come up with??? picture:

Enough said.

So there’s my profile picture tips. Eventually, I’ll give some profile writing tips, too. Everyone, feel free to add your own.. we’ve all been there, folks.

And wish me luck on my soon-to-be date. Right now its scheduled for a week from tonight (schedules don’t coincide until then…). WOOT!